


Living In The Shadows

by MissFanficWriter



Category: Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-10
Updated: 2016-06-08
Packaged: 2018-06-01 10:49:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 30,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6515176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissFanficWriter/pseuds/MissFanficWriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Magnus hadn't appeared to stop the wedding? Alec Lightwood marries Lydia, however his desire for Magnus leads them to embark upon a torrid affair. Can Alec and Magnus overcome his marriage to Lydia, his unrequited love for Jace, as well as the prejudices of the Clave?</p>
<p>Will Alec ever reveal his true feelings and will it be in time to save his relationship with Magnus?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dutiful Groom

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy reading this first chapter, let me know what you think in the comments. I'll be updating this story every few days.
> 
> Kudos are always appreciated too!

Alec walked the Institute, stopping every now and then to receive the well wishes from its inhabitants. Well regarded members of the Clave who were visiting to witness the joining of two of the Shadow Worlds most important families; The Lightwoods’ and the Branwell’s. Alec had never imagined his own wedding before, had never pictured himself finding anyone he wished to spend the rest of his life with. His confused feelings for Jace had left him unwilling to explore romance with anyone.

He’d seen the way Magnus looked at him across the room though, he’d have to be blind or possibly dead to miss it. He’d heard the flirtatious tone of his voice whenever he spoke to Alec, the way he dragged out his name. Alexander. Alec shivered at the thought. However he pushed whatever misguided desires he had aside and focused on the day ahead of him. Today he was getting married to Lydia.

“Alec, do you like the blue tie or the black one?” Isabelle asked, producing two similar ties before Alec’s eyes.

Alec shrugged his shoulders, nonchalantly. He didn’t care about fashion or what he looked like. He was a Shadowhunter so he was used to torn shirts and blood stained scars obtained during battle. “Just choose for me, Iz.” Alec said.

Isabelle stared at her brother. “Alec, you don’t have to do this if it’s not what you want.” Isabelle loved her brother and all she wanted was for him to be happy with who he truly was. 

“I’m marrying Lydia, it’s what I want.” Alec snapped.

Isabelle sighed but nodded, determined to support Alec in whatever decision he made. But as she walked away down the corridor, their shared last glanced left them both hoping that Alec wasn’t making the biggest mistake of his life.

A short while later, after a tedious encounter with his mother over where the azaleas should be placed, Alec had escaped to his room, to gather his thoughts alone. Upon his entrance Alec noticed a parcel left on his neatly made bed, a midnight blue ribbon holding it shut. Alec opened the box to reveal a black bow tie, sitting neatly on a bed of blue satin. Although at first glance it appeared black, upon closer inspection Alec could see that the bow tie appeared to shimmer a dark navy blue under the light, as if it had been enchanted by magic. Alec felt his heart beat quicken as he let the bow tie fall from his fingers and on to the bed, picking up the small card that had also been placed in the box.

The message was short, simple. _Because everyone deserves to marry in style. _Alec felt his mouth upturning at the corners, until he stood grinning to himself. He ran his hands over the fine calligraphy on the card, imaging Magnus writing the words. He turned back to the bow tie, feeling the soft, sleekness of the material, cool beneath his touch. Suddenly his smiled dropped as he realised where he would be wearing this bow tie. How could he wear Magnus’ tie to his wedding to Lydia? But he shook his head at his own ridiculous sentimentality. Lydia and Alec were marrying for duty, not for love. Lydia knew that, at least Alec hoped.__

__Suddenly a knock at his door alerted Alec to someone’s presence. Rolling his eyes, Alec opened the door, angry that he had been unable to have even a moment alone. His anger melted away as his eyes fell upon Jace, the sun from the Institute’s window shining brightly against his blonde hair._ _

__“Alec.” Jace nodded, before moving past him in to Alec’s room._ _

__Alec watched Jace stalk in to the room, noticing his ease. Alec wished he could feel that ease, instead of the spike in his pulse as Jace neared his bed. Looking away, guiltily, as if Jace could read his thoughts, Alec turned towards the window. “What do you want?”_ _

__“Last minute wedding talk?” Jace teased._ _

__“Jace, I’m not in the mood.” Alec sighed before moving to put away the bow tie strewn across his bed. Jace’s hand reached out to stop his, the feeling of Jace’s warm hand upon his own sending his heart in to a fluttered frenzy._ _

__“What’s this?” Jace asked, turning the tie over in his hands._ _

__“I’m sure you’ve seen one before.” Alec said sarcastically, rolling his eyes._ _

__“Well if it’s from Magnus Bane I’m sure it has a few magical extra’s the usual ones don’t.” Jace smirked. He’d seen the way Magnus looked at Alec, a curious glint in his eye. And he wanted Alec to be happy, whoever that was with. Maybe Alec will lighten up if he finally accepts himself, Jace thought._ _

__“Just put it back.” Alec snapped._ _

__Jace glanced at him, noticing the seriousness of his gaze, and replaced the tie in the box, carefully closing the lid. Now was not the time to argue with his parabatai, Jace decided, but he had to let him know that he’d support him, whatever he chose._ _

__“Alec, if this isn’t what you want it’s okay. Magnus-..” Jace began._ _

__“Don’t.” Alec said, a pained look in his eyes. Everything seemed so confusing to him, he couldn’t handle Jace talking about Magnus. The two of them were so different, complete opposites. Jace with his pale skin and blonde hair; Magnus with his dark hair and cat eyes. His feelings were so entangled, and Alec seemed unable to unwind them, to discover what was real. He closed his eyes against the confusion, against his own frustration, when he felt a hand upon his shoulder._ _

__“Alec, I’m always on your side. You’ll always have me, no matter what.” Jace whispered, soothingly._ _

__As Alec sat there, with his parabatai’s hand upon his shoulder, he wanted to shake his head. To look up in to Jace’s eyes and tell him that was the problem, the problem was that he’d never have Jace and for some dark, twisted reason he wanted him. He loved him. But as he had done for the past few years, Alec pushed aside his feelings, straightened his shoulders, and stood up taller. He knew his duty._ _

__“I’m getting married to Lydia.” Alec repeated, firmly._ _

__Jace nodded once before breaking out into a smile. “Let’s get you hitched then, brother.”_ _

__Jace left the room, smiling on the outside, his heart breaking on the inside at the discovery that Clary was his sister. But he had let Alec down enough lately. Today was Alec’s wedding day and nothing would stop Jace from being there to support his parabatai._ _

__Alec watched Jace leave the room, his gaze drawn to the wide set of his shoulders. _Brother _, Alec thought bitterly, before returning his gaze to the box before him. _I won’t ask again. _Magnus’ words came back to Alec as he stared at the tie, maybe this was Magnus’ way of letting him go, of saying good luck. Maybe Alec would never find someone to fight for him. Fixing the bow tie in place, Alec looked in the mirror. The shimmers of midnight blue brought out his eyes. Alec smoothed down his crisp, white jacket, trying to quell the guilt inside him at bringing a part of Magnus to his wedding to Lydia. But he quickly disregarded the feeling as he realised his heart was already spilt; a part belonging to Jace, a part longing for Magnus and a part following his duty. Taking a deep breath, Alec left his room. Lydia would have to take him as he was._____ _

______Entering the Sanctuary, where the wedding was to be held, Alec’s eyes fell upon the guests; members of the Clave, Downworlder ambassadors invited to show peace and unity. But Alec had lived long enough to know better. The Clave hated Downworlders, sometimes Alec thought they were all just like Valentine, too narrow-minded to see what was right._ _ _ _ _ _

______Alec made his way to the front of the room, Jace filling his vision. He stood before the altar like an angel, like Raziel himself, reborn to torment Alec with desire. Jace saw him coming and smiled encouragingly, before his smile faded away as he watched Simon hug Clary. Alec glanced over at the vampire and the girl who had caused so much trouble for them lately. He hated to see Jace hurt, but maybe he’d be better off without Clary. However as he saw the flash of pain in Jace’s eyes, Alec knew his reasoning was selfish, he knew Clary was the one who made Jace happy._ _ _ _ _ _

______Suddenly the time seemed to move at a quickened pace, the guests were seated, the Silent Brother in place and then the moment of truth; Isabelle walking down the aisle towards him. Her golden hair was intricately braided and Alec felt proud that his sister Isabelle had helped her with this. His sister was kind hearted and he often thought the Shadow World would be a better place if everyone had a heart as big as Isabelle’s._ _ _ _ _ _

______Soon enough, Lydia was before him, her smile wide, her cheeks blushed. Alec smiled down at her, she’d been a good friend to him, she’d helped his sister when she needed it most. Alec cared about her, but he felt it in that moment, he didn’t want her. He didn’t desire her. He didn’t feel a longing down deep in his soul like he felt when Magnus whispered into his ear, or brushed, accidentally, against him. Alec let out a breath, trying hard to concentrate._ _ _ _ _ _

______“It is time for the marriage runes. One on the hand and one on the heart.” the Silent Brother spoke inside his head._ _ _ _ _ _

______Alec held out his hand for Lydia, his gaze falling towards the door, for any sign of an enchanting warlock. However none showed, so Alec turned back to Lydia, his bow tie tight against his throat, seeming to squeeze the very air straight out of his lungs._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I can’t breath.” Alec gasped quietly._ _ _ _ _ _

______Lydia looked up at him with innocent, caring eyes as she slowly stroked his cheek. “It’s okay.” She whispered. She help the stele steady in her hand, glancing up at Alec for confirmation._ _ _ _ _ _

______For a moment they stared at each other, a silent vow spoken between them. Alec nodded and watched as Lydia marked him with the rune. He heard Isabelle gasp behind Lydia and looked up to meet her eye, they were filled with tears, but she forced herself to smile at her big brother. Alec looked quickly away, Isabelle’s tears representing everything that he’d lost, everything that he’d never had and everything that would never be his. Alec took a shaky breath, before marking Lydia with the same runes._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You may now kiss your bride.” the Silent Brother spoke eerily._ _ _ _ _ _

______Lydia looked up at him, her eyes bright, her smile wide. Leaning down Alec pressed his mouth to hers; no sparks, no fire, no magic. Closing his eyes, Alec held Lydia close, all the time screaming on the inside._ _ _ _ _ _


	2. With Broken Hearts We Sleep.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Alec goes to see Magnus to apologise, will a surprise kiss lead to happiness or more heartache?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all the people who have left comments, kudos and subscribed to this story. Let me know if you enjoy this chapter and any feedback is welcome!

The wedding reception passed in a flurry of well wishes and champagne, a forced smile fixed upon Alec’s face. He glanced at his bride momentarily as she floated around the room, enchanting everyone with her beautiful grace and poise. Alec sighed, feeling like he was looking through a curtain to the rest of his life.

“Alec, are you okay?” Isabelle asked, nudging him with her shoulder, an affectionate smile across her face.

Alec smiled, almost sadly. “Yeah, I just never imagined I’d be a husband this young.”

“But it’s what you wanted, right?” Isabelle asked, her eyes flashing with worry.

“Of course.” Alec soothed her quickly, trying to hide his true feelings. 

“Good, everything’s working out. The Clave aren’t questioning me anymore, you’re married and Magnus found a clue to help wake up Clary’s mom.” Isabelle smiled, before clasping a hand to her mouth. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to mention you-know-who.”

Alec felt his heart jump in his chest at the mention of Magnus. “What did he find?”

“He knows Camille’s got the Book of the White. He came here to tell Clary.” Isabelle explained.

“He was here?” Alec asked quickly. Magnus may have been there during the wedding, Alec thought to himself.

“Yeah, but I think he left pretty soon with everything.” Isabelle trailed off, the ‘everything’ Isabelle referred to hanging in the air between them. 

Alec stared down at the floor, a large part of him feeling ashamed of how he’d treated Magnus. He knew how Magnus felt about him and he’d just cast it aside, as if Magnus’ feelings were nothing. Alec scolded himself, the way he treated Downworlders made him no better than the rest of the Clave members. Suddenly all he wanted was to be alone, away from the false cheer and noise. He slipped out of the party, heading to the training room. The only place he could feel any real peace. Placing his hand on his bow, he ran his hands along the smooth carved wood, feeling a calm contentedness settle in his heart.

“Thank you Magnus, for everything.” Alec heard Clary’s voice from the distance, getting closer with each step.

He froze, glued to the spot, longing to run, but unable to move. All of a sudden Magnus was before him and Alec found himself gulping loudly. His mental image of Magnus was nothing compared to the real him, standing before Alec. 

“Well this is suitably awkward.” Magnus said, his eyes widening at the sight of Alec.

“Do you want me to show you out?” Clary asked, hesitantly, glancing between the two men.

“I’m sure I can remember the way, Clarissa.” Magnus said, his eyes sparkling brightly.

Clary nodded, before leaving them alone. Turning his back to Magnus, Alec stared at his bow and arrows before him. Why were battles of war far easier than battles of the heart? Alec wondered. He nervously ran a hand through his dark hair, pondering what to say to Magnus. He knew he owed him an apology but he didn’t know where to start.

“Magnus..” Alec began, turning around, only to be greeted by the sight of the empty training room. Magnus was gone. Feeling his heart drop, Alec realised that he may have just lost Magnus for good. 

———

“Oh Chairman Meow. I’m destined to be alone, a lone soul navigating this ever changing world.” Magnus sighed dramatically. “I put myself out there again, and once more I was left heartbroken. Damaged beyond repair.”

“Meow.” Chairman Meow purred, nipping at Magnus’ fingers.

“Oww.” Magnus cried, dropping the cat and bringing his injured finger to his mouth. He slowly sucked against his finger, trying to relieve the pain.

“Magnus, I wanted to..” Alec said, barging in to Magnus’ flat, words failing him as he saw Magnus’ finger inside his mouth. His pulse quickened and sweat broke out against the back of his neck, as he watched Magnus pull his finger from his mouth, a small popping sound making him shiver with desire.

“Alexander, to what do I owe the pleasure?” Magnus smiled, unaware of Alec’s longing.

Alec’s eyes fluttered shut as Magnus uttered the word ‘pleasure’, images of Magnus running through his head. Magnus standing close to him, leaning forward, pressing his soft lips against Alec’s. 

“Alec, are you feeling quite okay?” Magnus asked, curiously, narrowing his eyes at Alec.

Alec opened his eyes quickly, feeling rather foolish. He was married now, he should only desire Lydia. But Alec knew that would never happen. Therefore the least he could do was stay away from temptation. All he wanted to do was apologise to Magnus and leave.

“I just wanted to apologise for what I said. I know you only tried to stop the wedding because you cared. But it’s what I wanted.” Alec stammered.

Magnus nodded as he listened to Alec’s words. He paused for a moment before replying. “You wore the bow tie I sent.”

Alec glanced down, realising that he still hadn’t changed his clothes from the wedding. His jacket still gleamed bright white, his bow tie still shimmering a dark midnight blue. His hand wandered up to touch the corner of the tie, as he cleared his throat, suddenly overcome with emotion. It had been a long, eventful day. A day that Alec was not sure if he’d been ready for. Nonetheless it had happened.

“I-..” Alec began.

“What is it, Alexander?” Magnus asked, worriedly, moving to stand closer to Alec.

Magnus stood before him, his face an open book of concern, longing and something else. Something that Alec couldn’t quite put his finger on. Standing so close, Magnus could see every detail upon Alec’s face. His gaze wandered down to Alec’s hand, noticing the marriage rune upon his palm. 

“Marked forever, hmm? You Shadowhunters really are quite possessive.” Magnus teased, but Alec could hear the slight pain in his voice. The disappointment and the hurt showing in Magnus’ cat eyes.

“I’m sorry.” Alec whispered softly.

“For what?” Magnus said, lowering his voice to match Alec’s.

Alec stared down at him, trying to decide what to say. He was sorry for marrying Lydia, he was sorry for being too scared to admit his true feelings or he was sorry for hurting Magnus. Suddenly Magnus’ hand reached up to cup Alec’s face.

“My Alexander.” Magnus whispered.

Alec felt his heart break in his chest. Nobody had ever called him their’s before, nobody had ever wanted him to be. Except Magnus. Magnus; the magical, centuries old warlock who deserved the world and more. And Alec had carelessly tossed him aside, too scared to act upon his feelings. For a moment, Alec wanted Magnus to know. To know how much he longed for him, to know how he felt desire in his very soul for the beautiful, mysterious warlock. 

Grabbing the front of his jacket, Alec pulled Magnus towards him, crashing their lips together. It was passion and longing, fear and hurt, all dragged in to a series of wet kisses that were rushed and messy. Alec had never been kissed before, not by a man, not in the way a kiss could really count. This counted though. Alec felt Magnus’ tongue against his bottom lip, slowly licking lightly across, asking for entrance. His hands reached up to tangle in Alec’s soft, dark hair, a moan escaping from Alec’s lips. 

“Alexander.” Magnus sighed, happily, as they broke apart for air. 

A moment apart was all Alec needed to come to his senses. He was a married man, he couldn’t risk his families reputation for a mere desire for a man he hardly knew. Pushing Magnus away, Alec took a deep breath, trying desperately to push away thoughts of Magnus’ lips against his own. 

“Alec, what’s wrong?” Magnus asked, his hand reaching up to flick aside his hair which had become untidy during their heated encounter.

“I can’t be here. I can’t do this.” Alec murmured. “I have a wife.”

Magnus glanced at him. “You don’t love her.”

“And I don’t love you.” Alec shouted forcefully.

Magnus flinched at the words, each one like a knife to Magnus’ heart. “Oh we both know who you love, don’t we?” Magnus spat spitefully, immediately feeling guilty. He knew how fragile Alec was about his confusing feelings for Jace, but he couldn’t stop the hurt and anger that coursed through him at Alec’s actions.

“You know nothing about me.” Alec stormed.

“Oh but the demon did, didn’t he? A memory of the one you love most, you remember the words Alec?” Magnus taunted him, his heart aching. He didn’t want to fight with Alec but it hurt. It hurt to be shown what could be, to get a small taste of your heart’s desire before having it ripped so cruelly away.

“Go to hell.” Alec snapped, before fleeing the room, slamming the door behind him.

“Yes, and I’ll see my dear father there.” Magnus shouted after him, at the closed door.

Leaning heavily against the wall outside Magnus’ apartment, Alec brought his fingers to his lips which were still tingling from Magnus’ kiss. He squeezed his eyes tightly shut, his mind consumed with the events of the day. Jace in his room, Lydia marking him as her own, Magnus kissing him. How was he supposed to think straight when everyone kept confusing him?

Alec walked home, kicking angrily at stones in his path. Once he arrived at the Institute all he wanted to do was lay down and sleep. Moving towards his bedroom, Alec was surprised to find that someone had already inhabited his bed in his absence. Sitting up, Lydia stared at him. 

“Where did you go?” Lydia whispered softly.

Alec could barely see her in the pitch black room, her golden hair the only thing that illuminated her against the dark. “For a walk.” Alec said.

He had not imagined that they would sleep together but he chided himself now on his own stupidity. They were husband and wife, it was what was expected of them. Alec lay down in his bed, fully clothed. Laying back down, Lydia glanced at him.

“Are you happy, Alec?” she whispered in to the dark.

Alec lay there, his heart breaking, his mind spinning. But none of it was Lydia’s fault. Tonight was her wedding night and it disgusted Alec that he couldn’t give her the marriage she deserved. Reaching out he placed his hand in hers, their entwined fingers between them in the bed. 

“Of course. This is what I wanted.” Alec lied.

And that is how they spent their wedding night. Both husband and wife staring up at the ceiling, their thoughts consumed by memories of another as they held hands, slowly drifting off to sleep.


	3. Whatever You'll Offer, I'll Take.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec and Magnus are unable to resist their attraction to each other when they find themselves alone together after a Clave meeting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone that's left kudos and comments so far. I really love hearing what you think so remember to leave a comment. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy this chapter!

Alec and Jace were in the Institute’s training room, practising their technique, their bodies moving in perfect sync. Alec guessed that’s what it meant to be parabatai, working in perfect unison with your partner. He felt it with Jace, the feeling of complete simultaneous passion as they fought, both of them throwing everything they had in to the fight, but never enough to actually hurt each other.

“Come on, Alec. Don’t tell me you’re getting too old.” Jace taunted, circling around Alec.

Alec spun around quickly, a grin upon his face. He didn’t find it easy to relax but with Jace it was easy, so easy to let his guard down. “I just don’t want to hurt you, that’s all.”

Jace snorted. “As if you’d get the chance.”

Jace moved around him gracefully, almost soundlessly. His runes standing out vividly against his pale skin. Alec felt his heart beat quicken as he took in the sight of Jace; his blonde hair, his blue eyes. He forced himself to look away, he had promised himself not to think of Jace like that anymore. 

A moment’s loss of concentration was all it took for Jace to overpower him, knocking him to the floor. Jace hovered over him, a grin spread across his face as he looked down at Alec. Alec felt his breath catch in his face as he stared up at Jace, he’d imagined them like this, dreamt of it even. Suddenly the world came alive as Jace leant down, slowly, before crashing his lips to Alec’s, his tongue eagerly deepening the kiss. Alec gasped as brought his hands up to tangle in Jace’s hair, pulling him even closer. Alec moaned in to the kiss as Jace’s hand slid up his t-shirt, resting against his heart. 

“Alec.” Jace panted as they broke apart for air. Moaning his name over and over again, “Alec, Alec, Alec-…”

Alec awoke to Lydia gently shaking his shoulder and calling his name. “Alec.”

Sitting up quickly, Alec stared at her, his eyes wide, still slightly shaken from his dream. “What is it?”

“There’s a meeting downstairs, the High Inquisitor is here. We need to be there.” Lydia told him, before moving to the mirror to fix her already perfect hair. 

Alec lay back against the pillows, his heart thudding in his chest. What was wrong with him? He shook his head, disgusted with himself. He couldn’t believe he’d dreamt of Jace like that. He had to admit that it wasn’t the first time though, he just had to hope it would be the last. 

“Alec, hurry up, please. Don’t be late.” Lydia said firmly as she left the room, leaving him to get ready.

Alec sighed before getting up to shower, hoping to wash away his thoughts and dreams. He was a married man now and instead of making love to his wife, he’d fallen to sleep thinking of Magnus and awoken to dreams of Jace. He knew Lydia deserved better than this. He just had to try harder, Alec assured himself.

Alec arrived to the meeting just in time, meeting Jace as he rounded the corner. “Hey you.” Jace smiled, clapping Alec on the arm in greeting. 

Alec felt his cheeks redden as thoughts of his dream wandered back to him. His gaze fell to Jace’s mouth, his red lips slightly parted as he smiled. Hoping Jace hadn’t noticed, Alec looked away quickly, nodding a greeting before moving past him in to the Sanctuary.

However Alec’s morning went from bad to worse as his eyes caught sight of Magnus seated at the table, laughing with Meliorn. Alec felt a twinge of jealous at the sight and quickly looked away. 

“What’s this about?” Alec asked Isabelle quietly, as he took the seat next to his sister.

“I’m not sure, but it sounded pretty important. She has invited all these Downworlders.” Isabelle whispered back, gesturing to the people sat at the table.

Alec looked around, his eyes flicking more than necessary to Magnus. Today his hair was swept back, showing off his face. Dark, black eyeliner outlining his mesmerising eyes. Alec’s mind wandered back to their previous encounter, Magnus’ lips soft against his own. He tried to catch his eye but was disgruntled to find that Magnus seemed not to even notice him.

Slumping down in his chair, Isabelle turned to study him. “What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing.” Alec mumbled. 

He was saved from any further questions by the entrance of the High Inquisitor, her hair pinned perfectly in to place, her lips as red as crimson blood. 

“I’ve invited you all here today to extend our sincerest apologies for our treatment of Meliorn. We wish for nothing but peace between Shadowhunters and Downworlders and hope that we can work together to stop Valentine.” She spoke, forced sincerity dripping from each word.

Alec rolled his eyes, unconvinced. Some people may have believed her but Alec did not. It was impossible for Shadowhunters and Downworlders to get along. Just look at him and Magnus, every encounter they had, had ended more often than not in an argument. Shadowhunters and Downworlders just weren’t meant to work together, no matter how good they may look. Alec pushed away thoughts of Magnus and focused on the rest of the room. 

Isabelle appeared to be nodding her head, agreeing with every word the Inquisitor spoke. Jace sat across the room, a bored expression upon his face. Alec drummed his fingers anxiously against the arm of the chair, desperate for the meeting to be over so he could escape. He didn’t enjoy being trapped in a room with both Magnus and Jace, unable to leave.

Jace caught his eye from across the room and gave him a lopsided smile which sent Alec’s heart in to a flutter. Feeling foolish, Alec looked away, his eyes finding Magnus. However Magnus still appeared to be ignoring him. Alec felt his frustration grow. They had kissed and now Magnus wouldn’t even acknowledge him. He felt a painful tug in his chest and turned his eyes to the floor. He only had himself to blame after the way he’d shouted at Magnus. 

The meeting finally adjourned and Alec found himself following the hordes of people out of the Sanctaury. All of a sudden, a powerful urge to speak to Magnus forced him to quicken his pace, falling in to step beside the warlock.

“Hi.” Alec whispered.

“Alexander.” Magnus greeted him stiffly.

Alec felt his heart drop at Magnus’ words, he was obviously still angry.

He lowered his voice, until only Magnus could hear. “I’m sorry, okay? I shouldn’t have said what I did.”

Magnus kept walking, making no attempt to reply to Alec’s words which only infuriated Alec further. “Magnus, I’m trying here.” Alec spoke softly.

“What do you want from me, Alec?” Magnus asked suddenly, waving his hands up in despair.

Alec looked around wildly to see if anyone had noticed their charged exchange. Magnus rolled his eyes bitterly, it was clear Alec didn’t want to be seen with him. It hurt but Magnus had suffered worse. This was just something he had to accept. Turning away Magnus strode out of the Institute. As he walked through the streets, he was surprised to feel someone behind him after a few moments. Turning around, Magnus came face to face with Alec. He had not heard Alec follow him. A Soundless rune, Magnus assumed.

“Magnus, what I want is for things not to be awkward between us.” Alec explained. He wanted more than that, much more, but that was something he couldn’t admit to Magnus. Not now, maybe not ever.

“You kissed me.” Magnus stated.

Alec looked down, sheepishly. “It was a mistake.”

Alec heard Magnus’ breath hitch and looked up at him quickly, immediately wishing he could take back his words. “Magnus, I didn’t mean that.”

“Alexander.” Magnus whispered, closing his eyes. “I can’t do this.”

Alec stared at him, his face open and vulnerable. His breathing uneven. Alec remember the feeling of Magnus’ mouth against his and longed to feel that desire again. To feel wanted again. He knew it was selfish, cruel even but he couldn’t resist as his hand slid in to Magnus’ pulling him down a secluded alleyway. 

“What are you doing?” Magnus asked, confused.

“Shhh.” Alec whispered, cupping Magnus’ face in his hands. 

“Alec, we can’t.” Magnus whispered back urgently, his hands resting on Alec’s chest, keeping him at arm’s length.

“You don’t want me anymore?” Alec questioned, his insecurity showing through his words.

Alec’s tone pulled at Magnus’ heart and he found himself reaching up to place his hand upon Alec’s cheek, softly stroking his thumb across Alec’s face. “I want you, Alec. But-…” 

Magnus’ words were cut short as Alec pressed him against the wall, kissing him fiercely. Magnus could tell Alec was new to kissing, his technique was messy and wet. But this only added to Magnus’ desire, Alec’s vigour and enthusiasm more than making up for his lack of experience. His tongue slid against Alec’s, sending a shiver down his spine. It had been so long since he’d allowed himself to be this close to anyone. He knew it was wrong, he knew that when the kiss ended the hurt would return. The pain in his chest only growing larger with each passing day. But right now, right now he was lost in the moment, lost in his own lust for Alec. His hands reached up to pull Alec closer by his jacket. Finally, they broke free, both panting for air. 

Alec rested his forehead against Magnus’, his eyes closed as he tried to even out his breathing. Magnus waited for him to speak, his heart hammering in his chest at the close proximity to Alec. Maybe he’d leave Lydia, maybe he’d admit it had been a mistake to marry her.

“Magnus.” Alec whispered and Magnus shivered at the sound of his name on Alec’s lips. “This, us, it can be just between us. Right?”

Magnus felt his heart fall, slowly shattering into pieces. Part of him wanted to push Alec away, to ask how he could be so cruel, so heartless. But the other part of him, the part that beat in his chest, urged him to pull Alec towards him, to kiss him over and over again. He was centuries old and had believed that he’d experienced everything, but with Alec everything felt so new, so exciting.

Making up his mind, Magnus pulled Alec towards him, crashing their lips together. As they kissed passionately in the narrow alleyway, Magnus decided he’d take what he could get.


	4. Unexpected Kisses.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Shadowhunters try to awaken Camille to find the Book of the White, with help from Magnus Bane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had so many subscriptions for this story so thank you to all those people! I also really enjoyed writing this chapter so let me know what you think, I hope you enjoy it.
> 
> Kudos and comments are always welcome!

It had been days since Alec had last seen Magnus, days since they had shared secret lustful kisses against the dirty brick wall of the secluded alleyway. Alec thought about the moment often; when he woke in the morning, while training in the Institute, the moment just before he fell to sleep. It seemed Magnus was always on his mind. He sometimes wondered if it was Magnus he craved or the passionate caresses and the desire, the feeling of being wanted. Sometimes just before he fell to sleep, when he was at his most vulnerable, the face of Magnus would melt away, only to be replaced by Jace with his sharp jawline and mesmerising blue eyes. 

Most of the time, he would force the image away, getting out of bed for a glass of water or for a run. But sometimes, when he was exhausted and overcome with loneliness and wanting, trapped in a bed with a woman he didn’t desire, Alec would allow himself to daydream of Jace. Only ever sometimes. 

After a week had passed, Alec had convinced himself that Magnus was avoiding him. He had not sent any secret notes or turned up at the Institute uninvited. He assumed Magnus had changed his mind, unwilling to be Alec’s secret. Alec understood, he didn’t think himself worthy of such unbidden desire. He knew Magnus must have many men and women, he didn’t strike Alec as a man of loyalty. He had to accept that he just didn’t know Magnus that well.

He tried to think of an excuse to see him but the Institute had been busy recently, chaotic with the return of Valentine. Alec knew his focus should be on Valentine, finding him and fulfilling his duty as a Shadowhunter but he couldn’t stop his mind wandering to thoughts of Magnus.

His thoughts were interrupted as Isabelle entered the room, her dark hair flowing like silk behind her. “Alec, we’re going on a mission.” Izzy stated simply, as she strapped a dagger to the inside of her thigh.

“Let me guess, this isn’t an Institute approved mission?” Alec sighed, rolling his eyes.

He was the oldest, and his little sister’s wild plans often put him in a difficult position. He wanted to help her but it was his duty to be responsible and accountable to the Clave. 

Izzy grinned up at him. “What the Institute doesn’t know can’t hurt them.”

Alec shook his head but he found himself returning her smile. Izzy’s excitement was contagious, he assumed it was why everyone, Shadowhunters and Downworlders alike, loved her. He stood up from the desk he had occupied and began to prepare himself for the mission, drawing runes of safety up his arms.

“And the mission is?” Alec inquired.

“We’re going to wake Camille to get back the Book of the White.” Isabelle stated as simply as if she had said they were going out for dinner.

“You want to wake up a centuries old vampire who hates us?” Alec asked incredulously. 

“Well she doesn’t hate Magnus.” Isabelle told him, retying the laces on her heeled boots.

Alec felt his heart flutter at the mention of Magnus, his cheeks blushing. He felt as if he had a sign over his head announcing his infidelity. “What do you mean?” Alec tried to ask casually.

“Something about them being ex-lovers, I think.” Isabelle told him, pulling her dark hair back in to a ponytail.

Alec gasped inaudibly. He knew Magnus must have had many lovers before but he never thought they’d be people he knew, people he’d met. Feelings of jealousy arose in Alec’s chest. 

“Are you coming or what?” Isabelle asked, looking back at him from the door.

With a determined nod, Alec followed his sister out of the room, telling himself that he was doing this for Isabelle not for Magnus.

Downstairs Alec came face to face with a tired looking Jace. His hands tucked into his pockets, glancing warily over at Clary, her long red hair glistening in the sunlight shining through the window. She stood talking to Simon, Isabelle immediately going over to join them.

“You okay?” Alec asked Jace. They weren’t the kind of friends that had deep and meaningful talks but Alec wanted him to know that he was here for him, that he knew how hard it was to want someone that you couldn’t have.

Jace nodded. “Thanks for coming with us. Did you tell Lydia?”

Alec shook his head. He knew his loyalty lay with his family but Lydia’s loyalty he was still unsure of. He knew she cared about him but her place in the Clave was important to her. Maybe the most important thing to her.

They made their way out of the Institute, walking the streets of New York until they reached the Hotel Dumont. It was dark, the only light coming from the twinkling stars up in the midnight blue sky. Alec looked up just as Raphael leapt down from the roof of the hotel.

“Nice of you to come back, Simon.” Raphael simmered, moving close to him. “And you brought dinner.”

Raphael chuckled at his own joke, running his tongue over his sharp fangs. Everyones eyes were on Raphael but Alec caught the slight shiver that ran through Simon. He recognised that it was not one of disgust, but one of desire. 

“Raphael, we’re here to ask a favour.” Clary said, her voice authoritative but kind. 

Alec wondered how she did that. All of this was new to Clary but she’d adapted to this life as if she’d always been apart of it. On the other hand, Alec was lost. Like trying to navigate his way through the woods in the pitch black. 

“Sweet Clary, you’ve been asking for a lot of favours lately.” Raphael pointed out.

“We’re on the same side, Raphael. We help each other now.” Clary said, her voice calm and steady.

Raphael snorted. “Oh young Shadowhunters, you forget we vampires are old. We have seen many years that you did not. A treaty with the Shadowhunters is something we find hard to trust.”

“Raphael.” Simon said forcefully.

Alec noticed how Raphael’s eyes sparkled as they landed on Simon, taking in the sight of him in just one glance.

“We need your help. Camille is the only one who can help us find the Book of the White.” Simon pleaded, the words flowing from his lips, desperate to help Clary.

“You want me to awaken Camille? Awaken a vicious monster who hates me, who turned you in to this?” Raphael asked, looking only at Simon.

They stared at each other in silence, communicating with their eyes, as if everyone else had disappeared. Raphael’s brow was furrowed in worry, Simon’s eyes pleading with him. Finally Raphael nodded his head curtly as if they had come to an unspoken agreement.

“You may wake Camille, but it is your responsibility to make sure she doesn’t escape.” Raphael stated.

“Thank you.” Clary gushed happily.

“I’m deadly serious.” Raphael warned her.

“No, you’re just dead.” Jace piped up from the shadows, causing Raphael to smirk.

Raphael let them into the hotel, leading them through the dark corridors to the room that held Camille. They stood outside the room, all of them wondering how the meeting would ensue. 

“Are you ready?” Raphael asked, his hand on the door.

“Wait, we can’t talk to Camille without Magnus.” Isabelle reminded them.

Suddenly, in a gust of sparkles, Magnus appeared behind them. “Sorry I’m late, though that was quite the entrance if I do say so.” Magnus smirked.

His eyes looked at the young Shadowhunters before him, locking briefly with Alec’s before he looked away quickly, nonchalantly. His heart hammered inside his chest but he didn’t want Alec to know. Urging the Shadowhunters aside, Magnus laid a hand on the door, pushing it open before he strode confidently inside. Outwardly he appeared confident but inside he was shaking. It had been years since he had last accounted Camille. He remembered how she’d made him feel, weak for loving her, as if he was not worthy of her. He shook his head, he was better than that now, he was stronger. But as he glanced at Alec he knew he wasn’t stronger. He was still allowing people to treat him poorly because of love.

“Are you sure you wish to do this?” Raphael asked Magnus.

They stared at each other for a moment. They were not friends but they held a mutual understanding, a mutual respect that formed over the centuries of knowing each other. Centuries of watching people live and then die, and yet there were those few who saw it all and never aged a day. Magnus nodded slowly, unsurely. 

Raphael threw back the lid of the coffin and they all waited, with bated breath, for Camille to awaken. She rose from the coffin, his hair still neatly curled, her red dress as bright as her lips. She stood before them, a slight smile playing around the corners of her lips.

“I wondered when you’d need me again.” Camille teased, her eyes shining darkly.

Suddenly her gaze fell to Magnus. “Magnus, what a surprise. To what do I owe this rare visit?”

Alec watched as Magnus stared at her, his eyes sparkling, a corner of his mouth turned up in a flirtatious smirk. Alec felt his heart lurch, he was not the only one Magnus saved his flirtatious smirk for. 

“A surprise perhaps, but I hope not an unpleasant one.” Magnus simpered.

Camille giggled, and Alec felt anger flare up in his chest. Everything Magnus had said to him had been a lie, just a game to entertain the time for a man who had seen everything. He was surprised to find that he was more hurt than he’d ever expected himself to be.

“Do tell me what you want, Magnus? You never could keep your demands quiet.” Camille flirted back, her hand reaching up to lay on Magnus’ chest, stroking the lapels of his jacket.

Magnus felt himself gasp, he’d almost forgotten how good Camille’s touch felt, she knew him so well after all. He reached up, capturing her hand in his, lacing their fingers together. “The Book of the White, Camille. I know you have it.”

“The Book of the White.” Camille pondered. “Never heard of it.”

“Come on, lets kill her and find the book on our own.” Jace stormed angrily.

“Jace.” Clary grabbed his arm, holding him back before Jace flinched away from her touch, recoiling from her grasp.

Camille looked up at the disturbance, suddenly reminded that they were not alone in the room. Her eyes fell to Alec, his gaze fixed upon Magnus, a look of raw hunger in his eyes. She smirked cruelly, deciding she could have some fun with this.

“Camille, the book.” Magnus urged.

“Well, now, I may recall a certain white book.” Camille whispered, causing Magnus to lean closer to hear her. “But it comes with a price.”

“What price?” Magnus asked, warily.

“You.” Camille spoke, her voice low, her hand reaching up to cup Magnus’ face.

Alec watched as Magnus’ eyes fluttered shut, Camille moving closer by the second. Alec wanted to reach back for his bow, letting an arrow arc across the room until it embedded itself into Camille’s heart.

However he stood frozen to the spot, watching as Magnus crashed his lips to Camille’s, reaching up to slide his fingers in to her luscious dark hair. As Alec stared at them, they seemed to move as one person, knowing each other’s movements and desires inside out. After what felt like hours, they broke apart, both panting heavily. Alec watched as Camille moved to whisper into Magnus’ ear.

The kiss had left Magnus’ head spinning, intoxicated by the scent and taste of her. A mixture of rose and a metallic tang of blood. She leaned towards him slowly, whispering against his skin. “You always were weak for love, Magnus Bane. Don’t be weak for a Lightwood.”

Magnus opened his eyes wide at her words but she was gone. She had disappeared, leaving only a lingering scent of blood behind her. The room erupted in chaos. 

“Where is she?” Jace demanded, leaping forward.

“You let her out.” Raphael fumed. “Well remember your promise, you will find her and return her immediately.”

“The book.” Clary whispered, as Simon put his arm around her, trying to comfort his childhood best friend. 

Alec was angry, the whole mission had been a waste of time. He’d been hurt and left heart broken in the space of a few minutes. Rounding on Magnus, he let his anger flow out of him.

“Where is she? You’re the one with the magic, you must have helped her escape.” Alec stormed.

Magnus flinched from Alec’s venomous words, each one like a knife to his heart. “I’m trying to help Jocelyn.” Magnus defended himself.

“You call making out with a vampire helping?” Alec cried, pushing Magnus back.

Magnus stumbled, hitting the wall behind him, the hurt in his eyes causing Alec to feel guilty, all the anger evaporating from him instantly. 

“Alec, stop.” Clary demanded. “Magnus is trying to help us.”

“There’s nothing we can do now. Let’s head back to the Institute and figure out a plan for tomorrow.” Isabelle said, always the voice of reason.

Alec nodded, his head down, unable to look at Magnus, shame running through him. Isabelle, Clary, Jace and Alec made their way back to the Institute in silence. Each of them lost in their own thoughts. Once back, Isabelle and Clary disappeared to their rooms, leaving Alec to follow Jace to the training room. 

“Bit late to be training.” Alec said.

Jace shrugged his shoulders. “Got a lot on my mind.”

“Want to talk about it?” Alec asked.

Jace sighed and Alec was sure he would rebuff the offer but after a moment he sat down on a bench, motioning for Alec to join him. They sat for a moment in silence, their knees almost touching. “This thing with Clary.” Jace began. “My sister.”

He held his head in his hands after uttering the words. Alec moved his hand to place it comfortingly on his back. “Hey, it’ll be okay.”

“How, Alec? She’s my sister and I wanted her. I still do, how sick is that?” Jace cried.

“You didn’t know. And it takes time for those feelings to just disappear.” Alec said, rubbing circles along Jace’s back.

“It’s so hard to want something you can never have. To have to see that person everyday knowing you can never be with them.” Jace whispered.

“I know.” Alec whispered back.

Jace stared up at Alec in the darkness, suddenly aware of his hand on his back. It felt good, familiar. In that moment Jace realised that Alec understood exactly how he felt, he’d lived with this feeling for years. He knew how lonely and ashamed those feelings could make you feel. Leaning forward Jace pulled Alec towards him, pressing their lips together. It was different to kissing Clary; no fireworks or uncertainty. Just familiarity, comfort, love.


	5. The Cruelest Trick of All.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Shadowhunters, with the help of Magnus Bane and Raphael, discuss their plan to recapture Camille and find the Book of the White.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really enjoying writing this fic. There's so much angst and jealousy! But I promise they'll be some happy, lighter moments too. I love hearing what you think so leave me a comment.
> 
> This fic focuses mainly on Alec/Magnus' relationship, but let me know in the comments if you'd like to see more of any of the other relationships. I try to show little glimpses of them all throughout the chapters (especially Simon and Raphael!). 
> 
> Kudos, comments, bookmarks and subscriptions are all very welcome. It makes me happy to know people are interested in reading this so thank you to everyone that has so far!

Alec lay awake for hours, staring up at white ceiling above him, paint peeling at the corners. Next to him Lydia dozed, blissfully unaware of the torment in her husbands heart. Alec was conflicted, torn apart by his tumultuous emotions. His mind drifted back to the scene in the training room. 

Jace had leant towards him, pressing his lips to Alec’s. At first it had been gentle, comforting. Just a mere brush of lips. Alec had been surprised, too shocked to react, but as Jace’s hands had cupped his face, Alec had felt himself coming to life, tangling his fingers in Jace’s hair, pulling him even closer. It had been frantic and hurried. Jace’s tongue darting out to deepen the kiss, Alec moaning in to his open mouth. It was everything Alec had imagined and more; exciting, passionate, heart stopping. Jace’s hands had slid to the hem of Alec’s black t-shirt, pulling the material quickly over Alec’s head, their lips only breaking apart for a moment before Jace pulled him close again. His hand had pressed against Alec’s chest, feeling the frantic thud of Alec’s heart under his fingertips.

And then as quickly as it had started, it stopped, Jace pulling away abruptly. He stared at Alec, his eyes hooded with confusion and lust. Alec panted heavily, staring back at him levelly, challenging him to make the next move. Jace had chosen to walk away, leaving a half-naked Alec behind. As Alec quickly pulled his t-shirt back on, he watched Jace go, feeling as if he had bared far more than his torso that night. He felt as if he had bared his soul to Jace, only to have him walk all over it.

Alec must have fallen to sleep during the early hours of the morning, as he awoke to sunlight streaming through the window, lighting up Lydia’s hair as she moved around the room. Noticing Alec was awake, Lydia came to sit next to him on the bed.

“Good morning, Alec.” Lydia smiled, sweetly.

Alec gave her a lazy smile in return, taking in the sparkling beauty of her eyes. Alec could see that she was beautiful, with her pale skin and golden hair. Anyone would be lucky to be married to her. But Alec didn’t feel lucky, he felt trapped, restricted, confined. Shaking his head he pushed away thoughts of escaping. This was his life now, Lydia was his life. When a Shadowhunter married, it was forever.

“Where were you last night?” Lydia asked, her hand coming up to rest on Alec’s chest.

Alec thought how her gentle, soft hands felt so different to Jace’s rough, calloused hands against his chest. “I was training until late.” Alec said, hoping she wouldn’t notice the lie in his voice.

“I missed you.” Lydia whispered, leaning down.

Alec felt panic rise in his chest, they had not kissed since their wedding. He should have known this was what constituted a marriage though, he’d been naive to think he could escape this. Maybe it would feel right, maybe it would push away his thoughts of Jace, his fantasies of Magnus. Reaching up Alec cupped the back of Lydia’s head, his fingers sliding through her soft hair. Her eyes closed as Alec pulled her closer. Her lips moved across Alec’s like silk; too soft, too gentle. Her hands moved up to stroke his face, her fingertips dancing across his skin. As they broke apart, Lydia smiled at him brightly, pressing another chaste kiss against his lips before moving to the bathroom to shower for the day ahead. It was only after she’d left that Alec realised he’d had his eyes open during the entire kiss.

After watching Lydia leave for the day on important Clave business, Alec had made his way downstairs, meeting Isabelle in the training room. “We have a plan.” Isabelle told him as soon as he’d appeared.

“Hi, good morning Alec. How are you today?” Alec said, sarcastically.

“I’m sorry we don’t have time for such pleasantries, Alec, but we have a vengeful vampire on the loose and a frantic red head who’s desperate to wake her mother.” Isabelle told him, exasperated.

Alec noticed that she looked tired and worried. “How is Clary anyway?”

Isabelle rolled her eyes. “Don’t act like you care Alec.”

Alec shrugged. It wasn’t that he didn’t care about Clary, it was just that he didn’t think it was up to them to look after her. Or maybe it was now that she was Jace’s sister, didn’t that make her family? Alec blushed as his thoughts fell to Jace.

“What’s the plan then?” Jace asked, surprising Alec as he entered the training room.

Alec turned around to look at him but Jace was studiously staring at Isabelle, avoiding Alec’s gaze.

“We talk to the people who know Camille best.” Isabelle stated simply.

“Magnus.” Jace said at the same time Alec said. “Raphael.”

“Good answers. We’re meeting them both at the Hotel Dumont in ten minutes.”

“That place gives me the creeps.” Jace shuddered. “It’s like walking in to a dragon’s lair unarmed.”

“The vampires are on our side now.” Isabelle said firmly. She believed in peace and cooperation between all Shadowhunters and Downworlders.

Alec rolled his eyes unconvinced. Vampires were on the side of blood, that’s all they cared about. However he’d seen the way Camille had looked at Magnus, the passion she’d put into kissing him. Maybe they cared about more than blood. Alec narrowed his eyes angrily, deciding that if Magnus wanted a creepy, old vampire then he was welcome to her. 

On the way to the Hotel Dumont, Jace had spent the entirety of the walk ignoring Alec, ensuring that he walked a few steps ahead at all times. Isabelle didn’t seem to notice, or if she did then she was too preoccupied with her own thoughts to mention it. The sun blazed on the pavement as they walked, casting shadows in their pathway.

“Where’s Clary?” Jace asked trying to sound nonchalant.

Alec looked up at him sharply, jealous of Jace’s interest in Clary. “She’s already there. She left early to see Simon.” Isabelle told him trying to mask the jealousy in her own voice.

As they approached the Hotel Durmont, the dirty, run down appearance enough to disinterest any mundanes, Alec caught sight of Magnus waiting outside. He was leaning casually against the brick wall, his black t-shirt stretched taut across his chest. Alec noticed that he looked dressed down in his faded jeans and t-shirt compared to his usual elaborate fashion.

“Magnus.” Isabelle called as they got closer, holding out her arms to embrace the warlock. 

Alec looked away quickly, part of him wishing Magnus would embrace him and part of him too ashamed to meet the eye of the High Warlock of Brooklyn. “Jace, Alec.” Magnus said, nodding a faint greeting.

Finally Alec looked up, his eyes locking with Magnus’. Electricity seemed to race up his spine, sending sparks shooting through his body. They stared at each other, both absorbed in their own bubble.

“Lets get inside.” Jace said, interrupting the moment, pushing past Alec to reach the doorway.

Simon and Raphael stood in the hallway, flinching back from the sunlight as the door opened. Alec shut it behind him, plunging them all in to darkness. For a moment it was silent, the only sound was the gentle breathing of the living in the hotel of the dead. Suddenly a faint glow lit the room, a candle held by Raphael, leading them up to the penthouse.

Once there, Raphael blew out the candle, the room illuminated by elegant chandeliers hanging from the ceiling. Alec’s eyes immediately fell to Clary, who sat waiting on the deep red chaise lounge, her eyes rimmed red, her curls unkempt. Jace immediately moved to kneel beside her.

“Clary.” Jace whispered, his words laced with love. 

“Jace, what if we can’t find the book? We’ll never wake up my mother.” Clary sobbed.

Alec watched as Jace pulled Clary in to his arms, his hands gently stroking her hair. Alec thought back on the events of last night. Jace had not been gentle with him, he had not held him after they had kissed. Looking away, Alec caught sight of Magnus watching him and felt himself flush with shame. Magnus could never find out about his kiss with Jace.

“Raphael, you know Camille best. Where could she have gone?” Simon asked Raphael, glancing worriedly at Clary.

“We stayed up all night discussing this Simon and still we’re nowhere nearer the answer.” Raphael told him.

Alec noticed Isabelle, her eyes downcast at Raphael’s words. Alec of all people knew how much could change in just one night. 

Suddenly Clary jumped up. “We have to find her and when we do, I’m going to make sure she regrets not willingly giving us the Book of the White.”

Alec had never heard Clary sound so vengeful and as he looked at Jace, he noticed Jace looked proud. As if finally happy that everyone was getting to see the strong, brave Clary he’d seen all along. 

“Clarissa, calm down. Camille will only do what benefits Camille.” Magnus explained slowly.

“What do you mean?” Clary asked, puzzled.

“If we want Camille to give up the Book of the White, we must give her something she wants in return. Camille has been alive many years, or shall I say dead many years. She will return only for what she wants.” Magnus told the group before him.

“You.” Alec said, immediately blushing as everyone’s eyes turned to look at him.

Magnus stared at him, a strange look upon his face, a look Alec could not determine. “No, Alexander.” Magnus replied sadly. “She wishes to be reinstated as Head of the New York vampires again.”

“What?” Raphael exclaimed disbelievingly. “You cannot believe that I will allow this.”

“No.” Magnus stated simply. “But the trick is to allow her to think that you will allow this.”

Alec smiled softly to himself, watching Magnus, marvelling at his intelligence, his cunning. He had never thought of Magnus as more than a flamboyant warlock before but now he saw it. He saw Magnus as more than that. As someone who had far more wisdom than any of them, as a man who never let his intelligence make him superior to anyone, as a person who wanted peace and believed in equality.

“And how will we make Camille aware of this agreement?” Raphael asked begrudgingly.

“We will send a message with her young fledgling.” Magnus stated, his eyes falling to Simon.

“No.” Raphael cried, suddenly. His voice echoing around the large penthouse as every eye in the room turned to him.

Alec noticed the look shared between Simon and Raphael. Raphael’s uncertainty reflected against Simon’s determination. Simon knew he had to help Clary, she was his best friend and he’d do anything for her. He’d die (again) for her. That’s what Raphael was afraid of. 

“Raphael.” Simon whispered quietly.

“No, it’s out of the question.” Raphael said, his voice final.

Clary came to stand beside Simon, her hand clasping his, ignoring Raphael’s words. “You don’t have to do this Simon.”

“I do. Jocelyn has been like a second mother to me. I’ll do whatever I need to, to help her.” Simon said determinedly, pulling Clary in to his arms. 

Alec watched Raphael stare at them, his brow furrowing in confusion, a hint of jealousy in his eye before he quickly looked away. 

“He can’t go alone.” Raphael mumbled.

“I’ll follow him. I’ll make sure Camille doesn’t see me.” Isabelle stated.

“I’ll help you. Don’t want this mundane messing things up.” Jace said, nodding in Simon’s direction. 

“I’m not a mundane.” Simon replied, rolling his eyes.

Jace shrugged, uninterested. Alec opened his mouth to say he’d help when he was interrupted by Isabelle’s voice.

“We need someone to stay here to meet Camille when she gets the message. Obviously Magnus is the best person to talk to her. But we need someone calm, level headed to stay too. Just in case it gets out of hand. Alec?” Isabelle asked, looking at him.

Magnus started suddenly. “I’ll be fine meeting Camille alone.”

Alec glanced at him disappointed. It was clear that Magnus didn’t want Alec anywhere near him.

“Isabelle’s right, we need this plan to go right. It’s our last chance. I’ve seen how Camille can be, look at what she’s done to me. Alec needs to be here in case she tries to escape.” Simon explained.

Raphael watched him. Simon had become more confident lately, more content with what he’d become. “Camille won’t meet here. She’ll believe it is a trap. Magnus’ apartment, that’s where we’ll send her. She trusts him. She believes he loves her eternally.” Raphael explained.

Alec looked at Magnus, wondering if he really did love Camille eternally. He couldn’t explain how that made him feel. Hollow, empty. His heart sinking in his chest.

“Sometimes love is the cruelest trick of all.” Magnus said, his voice deep and clear, carrying across the room and making it’s way into the hearts of everyone present.


	6. On the Outside Looking In.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will the Shadowhunters be able to trick Camille in to giving them the Book of the White?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again to all the people who have subscribed or left kudos, it means so much to me!
> 
> Comment and let me know what you think of the story so far.

After spending the daylight hours planning in the penthouse suite of the Hotel Dumont, Alec found himself wishing he was anywhere else in the world. Both Jace and Magnus were ignoring him, Clary was skipping between distraught and destructive and back again at a moments notice, and Raphael had been pacing the floor for the best part of the day. Standing up, Alec moved out in to the hallway, needing space away from the tension in the air. Everyone was nervous, they all knew that the fate of Jocelyn rested on what happened tonight.

Leaning back against the wall, Alec took a deep breath. Suddenly, he heard voices approaching from down the corridor. Desperate not to be noticed and dragged in to another debate over the effectiveness of the plan, Alec melted back in to the shadows.

“Simon, you don’t have to go.” Raphael said, Alec hearing his voice just before he saw him, his hair carefully slicked in to place.

“I’m doing this for Clary.” Simon stated, unable to comprehend why Raphael couldn’t see why he had to do this. 

“Just-…” Raphael began.

Even from a distance, Alec could see the worry creasing Raphael’s forehead. The way he chewed his bottom lip, his fingers drumming nervously against his black jeans. 

“Just what?” Simon asked defiantly. Alec recognised the look in his eyes. Simon thought Raphael believed he couldn’t carry out the plan, that he wasn’t good enough. That Camille would see right through him and destroy him with a flash of her sharp fangs.

“Just be careful.” Raphael said suddenly, surprising Simon, his eyes widening. “Just make sure you come back.”

In Raphael’s urgency to make Simon understand, he’d gripped the sleeve of Simon’s jacket between his fingers, pulling Simon closer. Raphael’s breath was hot against Simon’s skin. He looked up in to Raphael’s eyes, green with flecks of gold. Beautiful, Simon found himself thinking before he quickly pushed the thought away.

“Don’t want to lose your fledgling to Camille, eh?” Simon joked, moving out of Raphael’s reach, trying to ignore the frantic beating of his heart in his chest.

Raphael stared at him for a moment, an admission on his lips. However just as suddenly, the moment was lost and Raphael found himself snarling before turning away. Simon watched him leave feeling a mixture of disappointment and relief. Raphael was a mystery, a puzzle Simon hadn’t even begun to solve. Maybe it was best if he didn’t try. Shaking his head, Simon returned to the penthouse suite.

Alec let out a breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding as he was once again left alone in the hallway. The private moment between Simon and Raphael filled his thoughts, it was clear that they had unresolved tension between them. And to Alec it was obvious to see the attraction there. He wondered why it was so easy to see what was real when you were just on the outside looking in.

When the daylight faded, making way for the dark of night, Alec watched Isabelle and Jace leave with Simon, Raphael watching them go with a look of pride and regret upon his face. As they disappeared around the corner, Raphael turned to Magnus.

“You best get back to your apartment, only a fool would keep Camille waiting.” Raphael said darkly.

Alec noticed the look shared between Raphael and Magnus, as if they were both thinking of times gone by, times shared before Alec had even been born. Zipping up his jacket, Alec glanced around the hotel suite, his eyes falling to Clary. She looked terrible, her red hair unkempt, her nails bitten down with worry. He hesitated before approaching her.

“Clary.” Alec said, taking a seat next to her.

Clary looked up at him with tear filled eyes. “I want to do something Alec, let me come to the meeting.” Clary pleaded.

Alec felt torn. He knew how he’d feel if it was Jace or Isabelle in danger, he’d tear down every vampire in New York to find a cure. However he also knew that emotions could cloud your judgement, make your choose bad choices. This was their last chance, they couldn’t let anything ruin that and deep down Clary knew that too.

“You know I can’t do that. Jace would never forgive me if I put you in danger.” Alec told her, his voice firm but not unkind.

Clary nodded before turning away.

“I’ll watch her.” Raphael said, nodding in the direction of Clary, as he led Magnus and Alec towards the exit.

“Why?” Alec asked, questioningly. Raphael owed Clary nothing, he had already helped her more than he needed to. He had more than fulfilled his duty to maintain peace between the vampires and the Shadowhunters. Why would he keep helping her?

“She is a friend of Simon’s. Simon is one of us.” Raphael stated simply.

Alec noticed the underlying note of possession in his voice. The unspoken phrasing. Simon is mine. Alec felt as if he had intruded on an intimate moment, hearing the affection in Raphael’s voice. Nodding a farewell, Alec left the Hotel Dumont behind, wishing to never enter it again.

Isabelle, Jace and Simon walked the streets of New York, keeping to the shadows. They planned to lure Camille out of hiding, to deliver the message Raphael had given him, written on old parchment paper in Raphael’s smooth, neat handwriting. 

“Do you remember the plan, mundane?” Jace asked, his eyes scanning the streets for any sign of danger.

“Drink the blood of a random stranger. Camille won’t miss the chance to share a drink with her own fledgling.” Simon muttered, sarcastically.

Although on the outside Simon seemed nonchalant, inside he was terrified. He had never drank fresh blood from the pulsing vein of a human before. His fangs ached and tingled in anticipation. However much the thought excited him though, it also scared him. Raphael had warned him that the taste was overwhelming, like nothing he’d have ever tasted before. He needed to focus, to make sure he didn’t seriously hurt anyone. 

“Just don’t mess this up or Clary-…” Jace threatened, before Simon interrupted him.

“I know, okay? Clary is my best friend. I won’t mess this up for her.” Simon said determinedly.

Jace nodded his head begrudgingly, before disappearing in to the darkness. Simon could just make out a glimmer of his golden hair hidden atop a roof close by. Focusing on Isabelle, Simon gave a half smile, trying to convince her and himself of his own bravery.

“Simon, be careful.” Isabelle whispered.

They were the same words Raphael had spoken to him hours before, but whereas Raphael’s voice had been low and urgent, Isabelle’s was soft and gentle. Suddenly, she pulled him towards her, wrapping her arms around him. She felt warm and strong in his arms. He pressed his head in to her shoulder, inhaling the scent of her. Wild jasmine and strawberries. Letting him go, she disappeared in to the darkness, her silken black hair flowing behind her. Simon let out a deep breath before stepping out in to the deserted street, waiting for a victim. Waiting for his prey.

Meanwhile, Alec and Magnus walked the route to Magnus’ apartment in silence, the cool night air brushing against them. Alec had begun to speak a few times, only for the words to fail him and he found himself snapping his mouth closed before he uttered a word. They arrived at Magnus’ apartment, Magnus opening the door to let Alec enter. Alec stood awkwardly in the living room, his eyes resting on photos of Magnus with people he did not know.

Alec had never thought much of Magnus’ life before he’d met him but he realised now that he hardly knew Magnus at all. He didn’t know his great loves and heartbreaks. He didn’t know what made him calm and content. He didn’t know what made him angry and passionate.

Alec’s thoughts were interrupted by Magnus, opening the drinks cabinet. “Drink?” he offered.

“One of your special cocktails?” Alec joked, trying to lighten the air between them.

Magnus shrugged his shoulders, failing to disguise the slight smile playing at the corners of his lips. With a snap of his fingers, two cocktail glasses appeared out of a puff of purple smoke. Both glasses filled with a sparkling blue liquid.

Alec took the glass from Magnus, their hands brushing slightly, sending an electric shock up Alec’s arm. He took a sip of the drink before coughing wildly. “What is that?” Alec spluttered between coughs.

Magnus smirked, looking up at Alec from under his eyelashes. “Can’t handle your drink, young Shadowhunter?” Magnus teased, flirtatiously. 

“Drinks aren’t supposed to be bright blue.” Alec argued, a smile upon his face.

“It brings out your eyes.” Magnus said, the smirk falling from his face as he stared deeply in to Alec’s sparkling blue eyes.

Alec felt his heart pounding in his chest, suddenly aware of how close Magnus was to him. Their faces only inches apart. If he leaned forward, just a little, his lips would be on Magnus’, sharing a passionate, earth moving kiss. Leaning forward, Alec closed his eyes, waiting for Magnus to meet him halfway. Magnus’ breath was hot against Alec’s skin and he longed to pull Magnus towards him, crashing their lips together.

Magnus watched Alec, like a beautiful angel before him. His eyes closed, his head tilted. Magnus’ heart battled with his head. His head telling him to enjoy what he could get, while his heart warned him of the heartache that would follow. Pressing his forehead against Alec’s, Magnus heard his sharp intake of breath. He pressed a chaste kiss against Alec’s soft lips, revelling in the taste of him for only a moment, before pulling away. Alec moved forward, trying desperately to recapture Magnus’ lips with his own. However Magnus kept out of reach, moving to gently kiss Alec’s cheek before trailing wet kisses down to his neck. 

Alec inhaled sharply as Magnus’ mouth sucked at his neck, his teeth gently biting Alec, marking him in a way that no rune ever had. Alec felt as if his heart would burst out of his chest, he wanted Magnus more than he’d ever wanted anything. Magnus pulled away to look Alec in the eye, a silent question upon his lips.

“Kiss me.” Alec whispered.

It was the only invitation Magnus needed as he cupped Alec’s face, crashing their lips together. Their passion ignited like flames in a fire, glowing and rising rapidly. Magnus’ tongue pushed against Alec’s, eagerly deepening the kiss. Alec’s hands tore at the back of Magnus’ t-shirt pulling him even closer. Alec couldn’t breathe or think, all he knew was that he needed more, he needed Magnus. Alec felt Magnus’ hands sliding under his t-shirt, his skin ablaze where Magnus’ fingertips touched him. They fell back on to the sofa, sharing secret kisses and touches that Alec wished would never end. 

Simon waited, watching groups of teenagers pass by, laughing and joking. Not long ago, Simon had been one of those people. Happy, content, normal. And now, well, Simon didn’t know what to describe himself as now. Some mornings he woke up thinking himself a monster but other times, when Clary hugged him or Isabelle looked at him, he thought of himself as the old Simon, the Simon he had been. And then there was Raphael. With Raphael he felt different. Not quite the old Simon, but not completely changed either. Perhaps just an adapted version of the old him.

A young girl, with fair hair, brought Simon back to the present, as she walked down the street alone. Simon nodded his head determinedly before following the girl, keeping a few steps behind. As they neared a deserted alleyway, Simon reached out to pull the girl aside, away from prying eyes. The girl made to scream just as Simon clasped a hand over her mouth, his vampire speed providing him with quick reflexes.

“Shh, I won’t hurt you.” Simon whispered, trying unsuccessfully to reassure the terrified girl.

He could hear her heart beating rapidly in her chest, pumping warm blood around her body. His eyes were drawn to the throbbing pulse at her neck. Feeling his fangs snap out, Simon pulled the girl towards him, his teeth breaking her pale, unmarked skin. The blood exploded in to his mouth, sending shivers of exaltation down Simon’s spine. He pulled the girl even closer, sucking the fresh blood from the open wound quickly, the excess dribbling down his chin. After a while, Simon knew he’d been drinking too long, too much, but he couldn’t bring himself to stop. The scent, the taste made him feel alive in a way he’d never felt before. Suddenly, Simon felt himself being thrown back against the hard brick wall, his eyes coming in to focus as they fixed upon the sight of Camille.

“Don’t drink without sharing, my young fledgling.” Camille smirked, as she fixed her lips to the cut on the victim’s neck, drinking deeply.

After a moment, Camille cast the girl aside. Simon looked at her worriedly.

“Do not fear, she will be fine. I do not wish to break the Accords, contrary to Raphael’s beliefs.” Camille told him.

Simon stared at her disbelievingly. He had been about to kill that poor, innocent girl. If Camille had not shown up, she’d be dead. Staring at the unmoving body of the victim, Simon felt sick.

“Why have you called upon me?” Camille asked, a disinterested look upon her face.

Simon pushed away his own thoughts of disgust and revulsion at himself and turned to face Camille, bringing himself to full height to face her. “A message from Raphael Santiago.” Simon told her.

Camille’s eyes widened in surprise. She had not expected Raphael to call upon her, at least not this century. “And what does my fellow bloodsucker want from me?”

“A trade. The Book of the White for the Headship of the New York vampires.” Simon said, laying out the trade for Camille to consider.

“Interesting, how very interesting.” Camille pondered, her eyes sparkling mischievously, her lips upturned cunningly at the corners.


	7. With Hearts and Minds Divided.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Shadowhunters, with the help of Magnus Bane and Raphael Santiago, continue to try and secure the Book of the White from Camille. But what will she ask for in return and will the price be too high?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the lovely comments, I love hearing what you think of the story so far. Please subscribe or bookmark and remember to leave kudos and/or comments.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Camille wiped the crimson blood from her lips as she considered the trade. It seemed reasonable, Camille had no use for the Book of the White and she wished to be Head of the New York vampires more than anything. However she had known Raphael centuries. He had been at her side, plotting, waiting. She’d didn’t believe he would willingly forsake his role as leader.

“What are the terms?” Camille asked, trying to appear disinterested.

“You meet Raphael at the Hotel Dumont with the Book of the White.” Simon reiterated the words he had practised all day, his voice strong and clear in the calm night air. He felt stronger after drinking fresh blood, more powerful.

Camille smirked. “Do you think me a fool? That I cannot see a trick before me. I will not enter the Hotel Dumont, just for Raphael to chain me in a coffin once more.”

Simon held her gaze, willing Camille not to see through the plan. “I will meet at Magnus’ apartment. He will not let any harm come to me.” Camille told Simon.

Simon let out a breath he didn’t realise he’d been holding, feeling relief rush through his veins. He stared at Camille, as she nodded to herself, satisfied with the arrangements.

“Thank you, my dear fledgling.” Camille flirted, before she turned and disappeared in to the night.

Isabelle and Jace appeared at his side immediately, eager to know if the plan had succeeded. Jace eyed the unconscious girl disgustedly and Simon felt himself burn with anger. Jace would never understand the thirst that coursed through Simon everyday, he’d never appreciate the restraint it took to ignore that thirst. 

“What happened?” Isabelle demanded urgently.

Simon stared at them both, suddenly aware of the blood stains on his t-shirt and the scratch marks on his cheek where the girl had clawed at his face, trying to escape. He felt dirty and ashamed. All of a sudden, he just wanted to be away from it all, away from all those who would judge him without understanding the circumstances. He wanted to be with the only person who would understand; Raphael. 

“She’s gone to Magnus’.” Simon told them before turning and walking away. He heard Isabelle shouting his name behind him but he carried on, never once looking back.

Meanwhile at Magnus’ apartment, Magnus and Alec lay on the sofa, their bodies pressed together, only separated by a thin layer of clothing. Alec’s hand slid up Magnus’ t-shirt, trailing his fingertips along Magnus’ hip. Magnus gasped, throwing his head back against the cushions, leaving his neck bare for Alec’s lips to kiss. Alec slid his tongue out, feeling Magnus’ pulse thudding in his neck, pulsing faster at Alec’s kisses. 

Suddenly a loud whining noise, followed by an explosion of blue smoke caused Alec and Magnus to spring apart. Alec looked around wildly for the cause of the disruption, however Magnus hurriedly straightened his clothes before fixing the cushions on the sofa. 

“What was that?” Alec asked in confusion.

“My visitor warning. Someone is coming.” Magnus explained.

“Ever heard of a doorbell?” Alec inquired, rolling his eyes.

“Most Downworlders don’t appreciate the use of doors, therefore a doorbell would be rendered useless.” Magnus informed him, as if explaining something obvious to a child.

Alec stood looking at him. Just a moment ago, they had laid together, sharing passionate kisses. Magnus looked up at him as if reading his thoughts. They both remained silent, unsure what to say.

“Magnus-…” Alec began.

“Shh.” Magnus shushed Alec, pressing a finger to his full, red lips. “This thing between us, it can wait. Tonight we focus on Camille, and helping Clary. Jocelyn is a wonderful woman, she deserves our help.”

Alec nodded, feeling his heart sink. He couldn’t understand how he and Magnus could be so physically intimate, and then as soon as they broke apart it seemed a river flowed between them, with Alec unable to cross the distance. He stared down at the floor, forlornly.

“My Alexander.” Magnus whispered, softly, lifting Alec’s chin with his fingertips. He pressed one last chaste kiss against Alec’s lips before turning away.

Alec longed to reach out, to ask Magnus to hold him, to make him feel loved and not just desired. However the sound of the door flying open caused him to turn away from Magnus and to look to the new arrival. Camille stood before them, dressed in a flowing black gown, her hair tied up in intricate braids, a few tendrils spilling down her face.

“Magnus.” Camille smirked, flirtatiously. 

“Camille.” Magnus nodded at her in greeting.

“You brought me a drink, how kind.” Camille teased, gesturing to Alec.

Alec’s hand reached out for his bow and arrows, causing Camille to sigh. “Why does no one have a sense of humour anymore?”

She flung herself back on to the sofa, the place Alec and Magnus had just spent the last few minutes kissing as if the world would end if they stopped. She made herself at home, tucking her legs up. Alec wondered if this had once been her home, if she had shared this place with Magnus. The thought of anyone with Magnus made Alec’s chest ache. He couldn’t imagine this cold, ruthless vampire with his kind hearted, honest Magnus. Alec shook his head, Magnus wasn’t his though. He had no right to think of him like that.

“Why have you come here Camille?” Magnus asked.

“Do not play coy with me, Magnus. You know why I am here.” Camille said, eyeing her former lover levelly.

“And do you accept?” Magnus inquired.

“I will not discuss business in front of a Shadowhunter.” Camille snarled, throwing a disgusted look in Alec’s direction.

“I’m staying.” Alec told her firmly. His thoughts floated to Magnus’ kiss with Camille at the Hotel Dumont. He would not leave them alone together.

“Alec, go.” Magnus said, surprising Alec.

Alec stared at him, eyes wide. The plan had been for Alec to stay, to protect Magnus if Camille caused trouble. However as he stared in to Magnus’ dark eyes, he realised Magnus could protect himself. He knew Camille better than anyone after all. Nodding his head, Alec moved towards the door, looking back only once, the sight enough to break his heart as he watched Camille sliding her hand in to Magnus’, entwining their fingers together.

Across the dark, lifeless city, Raphael watched Clary pacing the floor of the Hotel Dumont. He forced himself to listen to her. She was Simon’s best friend after all, but after the first hour, he had found himself becoming bored and restless of Clary’s constant worrying.

“We have to find the Book of the White, Raphael. But what if Camille doesn’t fall for it? What if she realises we’re trying to trick her?” Clary spoke, her voice cracking with worry and unshed tears.

“Clary, we are doing all we can for Jocelyn.” Raphael assured her, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

“It’s not enough.” Clary stormed.

Raphael stood up, placing his hands on Clary’s shoulders. “We are all worried Clary but we have to stay strong. We have to be ready for when they return to us.”

Although Raphael spoke to Clary of her mother, in his heart he thought of Simon. He worried for Simon’s safety and ached for his return. He promised himself that when Simon returned he’d never let him leave the Hotel Dumont again. Shaking his head, fondly, Raphael knew that his promise was fruitless, Simon would do as he pleased, and Raphael would let him. Always following a few paces behind to save him.

“Thank you, Raphael.” Clary said sincerely, her mouth turning up in a small smile.

“For what?” Raphael asked.

“For saving Simon, for bringing him back as a vampire. When he first woke up he hated what he was but now, thanks to you, I think he’s going to be fine.” Clary explained.

Raphael smiled back at her. Clary was a good person; kind and true. She would make a wonderful Shadowhunter, the kind who could bring unity to the Shadowhunters and the Downworlders. Their moment of friendship was interrupted by Clary’s phone ringing. Clary pulled it out of her pocket, her eyes scanning the message.

“It’s Jace, everything’s fine. The plan went accordingly. He said to meet him near Magnus’ apartment.” Clary told him, her face brightening, looking braver than it had in hours.

“Where’s Simon?” Rapahel asked, worry lacing his words.

“Jace said he walked off.” Clary said, preoccupied as she grabbed her bag. “Are you coming?”

“I’ll meet you there.” Raphael promised her as Clary nodded, running from the room, slamming the door behind her.

Raphael wandered up to the roof, the cool night air tingling his skin. His eyes made out the outline of a figure, their legs dangling over the edge. As he moved closer the figures features came in to focus, until Raphael could clearly see Simon sat on the edge of the roof.

“Hey.” Raphael whispered, quietly, his voice carrying on the wind.

Simon turned around sharply, relaxing when he saw it was just Raphael. “How’d you know where to find me?”

Raphael shrugged. He knew he should stop himself from getting too attached to Simon, he knew Simon would choose the Shadowhunters over him every time. But there was something about him, something about Simon that drew Raphael to him, like a moth to a flame even though it knew it’d get burnt. “You come up here most nights, to think.”

Simon watched Raphael in surprise. “Are you keeping tabs on your fledgling?”

Raphael sat down next to Simon, his legs dangling freely from the roof, his knee close to Simon’s. “You’re not mine, Simon. You’re nobodies fledgling. You’re just you, just Simon Lewis. You get to choose the life you want.”

Simon stared in to Raphael’s eyes, overcome with the urge to say something sentimental, something stupid. Shaking his head, Simon turned away, staring out in to the glistening night sky. “I drank fresh blood for the first time tonight.” Simon told Raphael.

“How was it?” Raphael asked, concern racing through him.

“It was amazing. It was like nothing I’d ever tasted before, and then it was just over. And I felt dirty, like I’m a monster.” Simon whispered the words, his head turning down.

“Simon, you’re not a monster. You stopped before you hurt her.” Raphael reassured him.

“I didn’t. Camille had to pull me off, I could have killed her. What have I become?” Simon asked, looking at Raphael, his eyes filled with terror.

“You’re still you.” Raphael whispered.

“I don’t want to be a monster.” Simon said quietly.

“I won’t let you become one.” Raphael spoke softly, gently.

Simon turned away, staring out at the sparkling stars, consciously aware of Raphael’s hand resting on the ledge between them. Moving his hand just an inch, Simon’s hand made contact with Raphael’s, just barely touching. He held his breath, waiting for Raphael to pull away. However he remained, both of them sat there, under the bright, twinkling stars, their hands side by side, and if they had been alive, their hearts would have beat wildly in their chests.

As Raphael and Simon sat atop the roof of the Hotel Dumont, Camille and Magnus sat in his apartment, sharing a glass of the finest wine. Camille drank her glass generously. While it did not taste as good as blood, it had the same look and it gave Camille a fluttering buzz inside.

“Magnus, am I to believe Raphael would just step aside and let me back in?” Camille asked, smirking at the very idea of it.

It was unbelievable, that Raphael would willingly give up the role of Head of the New York vampires. Camille knew that Raphael had craved that spot for many centuries, he would not give it up without a bloody fight to the death.

“Raphael has sided with the Shadowhunters. He will do what needs to be done.” Magnus said.

He had not lied. Magnus knew Raphael would kill Camille if the need arose, however Camille did not need to know that. He wondered how he’d feel if Camille died. She had once been his love, his greatest love he’d believed. But now when he looked at her, he saw her for what she really was. A cold, conniving vampire who used people, leaving a scattering of broken hearted men in her wake.

“How can I trust these Shadowhunters?” Camille asked, turning to look at Magnus.

Magnus stared back in to her eyes, he would not let her see the truth. “These Shadowhunters are honest and true. They will honour their word.”

“Then I will agree.” Camille spoke slowly.

Magnus felt his heart leap in his chest and he had an overwhelming urge to run and tell Alec the good news. They had won, they had tricked Camille.

“On one condition.” Camille added, causing Magnus’ heart to drop.

He should have known Camille’s words had been too good to be true. Staring across at the woman he had once kissed, once made love to, once held in his arms, Magnus held his breath waiting for her condition.

“I will trade the Book of the White and in return I ask only for the death of Raphael Santiago. After that my people will beg for my return as Head of the New York vampires.” Camille grinned in satisfaction.


	8. Chasing You.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How will the Shadowhunters react to Camille's demands?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all the people who have left kudos and comments, I love hearing what you think. Hope you enjoy this chapter. 
> 
> If you like this chapter, let me know in the comments!

Camille had disappeared shortly after announcing her surprising terms for the trade, leaving Magnus to tell the young group of Shadowhunters about the new turn of events. The Shadowhunters filed in to Magnus’ apartment, Alec casting a glance at the worried expression upon Magnus’ face.

“What happened?” Jace demanded immediately, his gaze drifting to an anxious Clary standing across the room. 

As he stared at Clary, Jace felt his heart beating faster. She looked so worried and tired. They needed to get the Book of the White from Camille before Clary did something stupid in order to save her mother. Jace looked away hurriedly, Jocelyn was his mother too now, he figured. Although he couldn’t bring himself to care as deeply as Clary, he had never know Jocelyn after all. Maryse had been more of a mother to him than Jocelyn had ever been. Even Valentine had raised him, albeit in his own sick, twisted way. It was only Jocelyn who had left him; abandoned and alone with only his psychotic father for company.

Clary had tried to reassure him, told him that Jocelyn had thought him dead. While Jace accepted this, he couldn’t be okay with it. He couldn’t just forgive Jocelyn for leaving him.

“Well Camille agreed to trade the Book of the White.” Magnus began, chewing anxiously at his bottom lip, his eyes flickering nervously to Clary.

“Why am I sensing a but?” Isabelle asked.

Magnus nodded, steeling his courage. “But in return she’s demanded the death of Raphael.”

Four shocked faces stared back at Magnus. Magnus turned away, they had been naive, caught up in their own plans. They had forgotten that Camille was smart, always one step ahead. Magnus stared out of the window at the New York skyline. Moments ago he had felt euphoric, kissing Alec, but now he felt lost. Raphael was not his friend, but he could not forget all the decades they had known each other. He would not stand back and let him die.

“We let him die then. I’ll deliver his head on a stake myself.” Jace said, offhandedly.

“Jace.” Isabelle gasped, outraged. “Raphael is on our side. When will you see that the life of a Downworlder is just as important as the life of a Shadowhunter.”

“Raphael is no innocent.” Alec stated, shrugging his shoulders.

Magnus turned around sharply. “So you would see him die for his mistakes? Have you made no mistakes before, Alexander?”

Alec looked down at the floor, shaming running through him. He had made more mistakes than most in the past few days alone. He had started an affair with Magnus, he had kissed Jace and he had married Lydia; which now felt like the biggest mistake of all. 

“I never said I agreed with Jace.” Alec murmured.

Magnus looked away from Alec, disappointed in Alec’s attitude towards the life of a Downworlder. Did Alec think so little of Downworlders? Magnus wondered what that meant for him, maybe it meant that Alec didn’t care about him at all, not really. Or maybe Alec would just do anything Jace asked of him. Magnus tried to ignore the jealousy running through him. 

“We have to, there’s no other way.” Jace stormed.

“We can’t. It breaks all peace declared in the Accords.” Isabelle fretted.

“I never said we should kill him. But what other choice is there?” Alec questioned.

“I won’t let it happen. Raphael is a good man.” Magnus declared loudly.

“Stop.” Clary shouted, silencing the room, all arguments ceasing. “Just stop. We can’t kill Raphael. He’s helped me, he’s helped Simon. We can’t just kill someone who’s on our side. That would make us as bad as Valentine. Can’t you see this is what Camille wants? She wants to divide us, she wants to break us. But we have to stay strong, we have to stay together.”

Jace looked at Clary, his heart filling with pride. She was so beautiful and strong, and so unaware of her own ability. She had the power to make people think, to make them understand what was right and what was wrong. Jace smiled softly, one day Clary would make a difference to Idris, she would be a part of the new Shadow World, creating peace between all Shadowhunters and Downworlders. Hanging his head, Jace realised that he’d never be apart of that, he wouldn’t get to stand at Clary’s side. He couldn’t bare to watch Clary, knowing she was his sister. The thought alone made Jace feel sick.

Suddenly a loud bang followed by a burst of purple smoke made Jace, Isabelle and Clary look around wildly.

“It’s just a visitor alarm.” Alec stated, rolling his eyes, sharing a small smirk with Magnus. 

After a moment Simon and Raphael entered the apartment, their eyes narrowed in suspicion, immediately aware of the tense atmosphere in the room. 

“What happened?” Simon asked warily.

Raphael hung back, leaning casually against the wall, but Simon could see that he was tense. His shoulders hunched as if he was ready to spring in to a fight at any moment. His eyes took in the room, stopping on Clary.

“The plan went wrong.” Clary answered sadly, her eyes filling with tears.

Simon went to her immediately, embracing his best friend in his arms, squeezing her tightly. Clary clung to him, burying her head in to his chest, quiet sobs racking her slight frame. Simon felt eyes burning in to his back as he comforted Clary. Finally letting her go, Simon turned around to find Isabelle’s, Raphael’s and Jace’s eyes on him. They looked away quickly as Magnus answered Simon’s question, his eyes fixed on Raphael.

“Camille agreed to the trade, under one condition.” Magnus told him.

Raphael stared back, as if he and Magnus were the only people in the room. Simon supposed it seemed like they were, after all they did know Camille better than anyone else. “What condition?” Raphael asked nonchalantly.

“Your death.” Jace added as Magnus looked down, unable to voice the words. 

As Simon gasped in shock, Raphael’s face stayed neutral. He nodded slowly, he had expected something like this. He knew Camille well enough to know that she was always in control of every situation. He had thought he had finally got rid of Camille, trapping her in the coffin in the Hotel Dumont. But he had let her go, and for what? A bunch of Shadowhunters who would trade his life for a book. 

“You told her no, right?” Simon exclaimed.

The room filled with silence. Simon looked around wildly from Jace’s disinterested stare to Raphael’s distant expression. Shrugging his shoulders, Raphael scowled. “Well I wouldn’t expect any favours from you Shadowhunters but planning my death is an all time low.”

“Raphael, no one is planning your death.” Isabelle reassured him.

“How could you?” Simon demanded. “Jace I can understand, he’s always been a selfish jerk. But you Izzy, I thought you cared about Downworlders. I am one of then now, remember?”

Isabelle flinched back in shock and hurt. “I do care.”

“Simon.” Raphael said warningly. 

“What? You can’t just stand there while they plot your death.” Simon stormed.

The thought of Raphael dying filled Simon with panic, he couldn’t bare the thought of losing him. It made Simon went to throw things, to hurt people, to do things he’d never thought of doing before like pull Raphael towards him and kiss him. Turning away, Simon tried to calm his unnecessary breathing. Shaking his head, he tried to push away the irrational thoughts filling his head. This was madness, Simon was just confused. He’d been through a lot since becoming a vampire, it was understandable that his feelings for Raphael had become confused. He’s just a friend, Simon forced himself to think.

A hand on his shoulder pulled him from his thoughts. He glanced over to see Clary at his side, gently squeezing his arm.

“I would never trade Raphael’s life for a book.” Clary spoke softly.

Simon nodded, feeling his worry slowly start to fade away. He trusted Clary and he knew that she wouldn’t hurt anyone, no matter how worried she was about her mother.

“Then what?” Raphael asked. “Camille won’t hand over the book without getting what she wants.”

“Then we’ll play her at her own game.” Jace stated. “We’ll bring her Raphael, pretend to go along with her demands. And then we’ll backtrack and kill her instead.”

Isabelle frowned. “Does it have to involve killing anyone?”

Alec nodded his head in agreement. “Izzy’s right, I’m sure there’s some people who may care about Camille.”

Magnus glanced at Alec, surprised by his sensitivity. “We may not have to kill her. Perhaps we could just capture her, return her to her coffin?”

Raphael nodded at Magnus’ words. “I do not enjoy the way Camille lives, but I would be reluctant to be apart of her death.”

Simon heard the affection in Raphael’s voice and felt his heart ache, he wondered if Raphael had once had feelings for Camille, if he still had. Emotions seemed to bubble in his mind, fighting and pushing for space. Simon didn’t need to breath anymore, but right now he needed to feel the fresh air in his lungs. Pushing past Raphael, Simon left the apartment, stumbling outside. He breathed in deeply as the fresh air hit him.

Isabelle watch Simon go, worriedly. “I’ll go after him.”

“No.” Clary said. “I know Simon, he needs time to think.”

Isabelle nodded, disappointed that she never knew what to do with Simon. She didn’t know how to get to know him better, no matter how much she wanted to.

“I want to go home to see my mother.” Clary said. “We’ll face Camille tomorrow.”

Jace nodded. “I’ll walk with you.”

Clary looked at him, smiling softly, his eyes sparkling. Eyes that Jace could drown in. Looking away hurriedly, Jace cleared his throat. “Isabelle, let’s go.”

Isabelle nodded, throwing Magnus a half hearted smile before she left.

Magnus watched the Shadowhunters leave his apartment, all deflated and despondent. Raphael nodded a farewell before seeming to disappear in to thin air. Suddenly Magnus noticed Alec standing at the door.

“I’ll catch up.” Alec shouted after Jace before closing the door. He turned back to Magnus, leaning casually against the door frame.

“What you said about sparing Camille? It was kind, you’re a good person Alexander.” Magnus stated.

Alec shrugged. “I don’t think so, not lately anyway. But if you love her then we will spare her life.”

“Is that what you think? That I love Camille?” Magnus asked, disbelievingly.

He wondered how Alec could question his feelings. Each time they kissed Magnus threw everything he had into their passionate exchanges. Each moment between them was charged and tense filled with lust and an emotion too strong for Magnus to consider. 

Alec shrugged again, looking down. All of a sudden, Magnus was before him, cupping his face. “I did once, but not anymore.” 

Alec stared down at Magnus, placing his hands on Magnus’ hips. “Why not now?”

“You know who I want.” Magnus stated, leaning closer, his hot breath causing Alec to shiver.

“Who?” Alec whispered, holding back a moan as Magnus pressed him against the door.

Magnus smirked slightly before pressing his forehead against Alec’s. “You.” He whispered softly before crashing his lips to Alec’s, both of them lost in their own secret world of forbidden kisses.

Meanwhile outside, Raphael appeared beside Simon, causing Simon to jump. He’d never get use to the swiftness of a vampire. Simon turned away, walking quickly through the dirty streets of New York.

“Hey, Simon, wait.” Raphael called, grabbing Simon’s arm and spinning him around to face him.

“What?” Simon demanded angrily, his fangs snapping out.

“Calm down.” Raphael said, gently, keeping hold of Simon’s sleeve at the wrist, just above his hand.

Simon looked down at Raphael’s pale hand against his own skin and felt his breath catch in his throat. He couldn’t explain how he felt. He felt out of place as a vampire, uncomfortable in his own skin. He didn’t feel like he belonged at the Hotel Dumont but he didn’t belong with Clary anymore. The only place he felt comfortable was with Raphael. The moment Raphael’s safety had been threatened Simon had felt scared, terrified even. 

“Simon.” Raphael spoke, urging him to talk.

“What do you want me to say? That I was terrified that my so called friends would even consider killing you? Or maybe you want to hear how I’d do anything to protect you?” Simon stormed, breathing heavily.

Raphael stared at him, his eyes darkening.

Simon shook his head, turning away when Raphael remained silent. He tried to walk away, to get as far away from Raphael as he could. However the hand on his arm held him in place. Simon turned around sharply to shake Raphael off but the look on his face stopped him. Raphael looked vulnerable, lost, scared. Throwing caution to the wind, Simon pulled Raphael towards him, pressing their lips together. Simon had never kissed a man before, the slight stubble on Raphael’s chin scratched against Simon’s face causing Simon to moan in to the kiss.

Raphael stood motionless, feeling Simon’s lips move against his own. For a moment, he let himself fall, opening his mouth to allow Simon’s tongue to deepen the kiss, his hands pulling at Simon’s jacket to urge him closer. And then he stopped, crashing back to reality. He pushed Simon away harshly, leaving him sprawling on the floor. He closed his eyes pushing away the sight of Simon, wanting desperately to help him up. However he turned away, ignoring the pained expression on Simon’s face, disappearing into the dark night, running far away from the things that scared him most; passion, friendship, love.


	9. Give Me a Reason.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Jace goes to find Camille, will he succeed in killing her or will he find himself out of his depth?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who's been reading this story, I'm really loving writing it! Please leave comments and kudos to let me know what you think of this chapter.

Isabelle stormed through the streets, racing back to the Institute, leaving Clary and Jace in her wake. They walked together, awkwardly, the silence uncomfortable between them. Jace strained his head to look back, searching for any sign of Alec approaching. Eventually giving up, Jace continued to trudge along in silence, his eyes ahead.

“It doesn’t have to be like this.” Clary spoke suddenly.

“Like what?” Jace muttered.

“Awkward.” Clary stated, staring across at him from her peripheral vision.

Jace shrugged his shoulders, choosing to remain silent. How could it not be awkward? They’d kissed, he’d kissed his own sister. It was wrong, so wrong. But he still found himself thinking about her fiery red hair, soft beneath his finger tips and her lips that sent tingles through him when they pressed against his own. All of a sudden, Jace jumped as Clary slipped her hand in to his, entwining their fingers. Jace’s heart beat erratically in his chest.

“We can figure this out together, and when my mum, well our mum, wakes up you’ll see that she never abandoned you. She loved you.” Clary reassured him, squeezing his hand tightly before letting go and entering the doors of the Institute. 

Jace watched her go, her bright hair swishing behind her. Jace didn't care about Jocelyn, not really, he didn’t know her after all. But he cared about Clary, more than he’d ever cared about anyone and he’d do whatever it took to wake her mother for her. Even if it meant killing Camille himself. Jace looked out in to the dark sky, nodding his head in determination before he disappeared into the night.

Meanwhile Simon lay on the cold, dirty floor, water soaking the back of his shirt, staring up at the sky in shock. What had he done? He’d kissed Raphael, he’d kissed a violent vampire who was many decades older than him. He was lucky Rachael hadn’t killed him. But he didn’t feel lucky, he felt terrible. For one crazy moment, Simon had thought Raphael wanted this, that he wanted him. He’d felt Raphael’s hands on his jacket, pulling him closer, his lips just as fierce against his own. And then Raphael had changed, throwing Simon on to the floor. 

Simon didn’t even know why he’d kissed Raphael, he didn’t like guys. He’d never been attracted to one before, and he certainly hadn’t imagined kissing one before. His daydreams, until now, had been filled with Clary and her fiery red hair tangled in his fingers, or Isabelle and her plump, red lips pressed against his own. But lately, as Simon drifted off to sleep, the faces of Isabelle and Clary would slowly fade away to be replaced by the pale face of Raphael, his mysterious eyes staring deeply in to Simon’s. 

Simon shook his head, what was wrong with him?

Not far away from where Simon lay, Raphael entered the Hotel Dumont, slamming doors angrily, ignoring the disgruntled moans of his fellow vampires. He paced the floor, his body feeling restless and electrified, as he tried to make sense of the night’s events. Camille wanted him dead. Simon had kissed him. Raphael had left him, alone, lying on the cold, hard floor. Raphael squeezed his eyes shut tightly, trying to push away the sight of Simon on the floor. He hadn’t expected Simon to kiss him, but he’d thought about it. He’d thought about Simon as he lay alone at night, but he’d never act on those feelings. Raphael had been born in a time when loving a man was forbidden by the law and his strictly religious parents. Those were hard prejudices to shake off even after the many decades that had passed. 

He’d also never imagined that Simon felt the same way. He’d seen the way Simon acted around Clary and Isabelle, blushing furiously whenever they brushed against him, accidentally. Simon didn’t like guys, Raphael was sure of that. He was just confused, mistaken even. He’d only just become a vampire, Raphael would be taking advantage of his confused state if he let anything happen between himself and Simon. Raphael sat down on the dark, crimson sofa set out in the middle of the room, laying his head back, thoughts of Simon crashing through his mind.

Magnus and Alec stood panting against the door, their hearts beating furiously in their chests. Magnus’ hand slid down Alec’s arm until he reached his hand, entwining their fingers together. 

“I should go.” Alec whispered, resting his forehead against Magnus’.

Magnus nodded slightly, before leaning in and capturing Alec’s lips with his own for another kiss, this one softer and slower than the ones before it. 

Breaking apart, Magnus smirked. “Don’t let me stop you.”

Alec grinned, before pressing one last chaste kiss against Magnus’ soft lips and opening the door of the apartment. “So I’ll see you again?”

Magnus shrugged. “Maybe.”

“Hey.” Alec berated him, laughing.

Magnus laughed with him, wishing they could be like this all of the time. “Tomorrow?” Magnus asked, suddenly serious, the laughter fading away.

Alec nodded. “Tomorrow.” He reassured Magnus, kissing him softly before walking away, leaving Magnus with a conflicted heart. Half of it hopeful, the other half; hopeless.

Unbeknownst to the two men, a figure stood, hidden in the shadows, watching their exchange through narrowed eyes. 

As Alec walked home to the Institute he thought of nothing but Magnus and the way his lips felt against his own, the way his fingertips made his skin tingle and burn. Alec met Hodge in the entryway to the Institute, nodding at him in greeting.

“Jace not with you?” Hodge asked.

“No, he came back with Isabelle and Clary.” Alec told him, wanting to escape to his bedroom.

However Alec froze as Hodge shook his head. “No, the girls came back a while ago. Jace wasn’t with them.”

Alec felt fear flood through his entire body as he wondered where Jace could be. Suddenly Alec’s parabatai rune burned sharply, leaving Alec doubled over in pain, clutching his arm where his parabatai rune lay. Alec began to panic, wherever Jace was, he was in pain. 

“Alec, are you okay?” Hodge asked worriedly as he lay a hand against Alec’s back.

“Fine.” Alec muttered, forcing himself to stand up straight, a strained smile upon his face. “Just tired. I’m going to head to bed.”

Hodge nodded, unconvinced, as he watched Alec walk away.

Alec walked quickly, his footsteps hurried, not stopping until they reached the training room. His thoughts drifted to what had happened between him and Jace in here. The way Jace had kissed him before casting him aside, leaving Alec feeling used and dirty. Alec shook his head, it didn’t matter what had happened. Jace needed him now and Alec wouldn’t let him down. Grabbing his bow and arrow, Alec waited for Hodge to go to bed before leaving the Institute, intent on finding Jace, his throbbing parabatai rune a constant remainder of the danger Jace was in.

Alec had known the moment he’d found out Jace was missing, where he would have gone. To find Camille. Alec just hoped he arrive in time to save him.

Jace had searched the city for Camille, but in the end Camille had found him. The element of surprise had resulted in his current position, tied to the Brooklyn Bridge, blood running down his bare chest. Jace panted heavily in pain and anger, as he stared at Camille before him.

“So you thought you could kill me, young Shadowhunter?” She laughed coldly. “I am insulted by you presumptuous attitude. You never even brought your little friends with you for back up. I thought you of all people would be willing to give me what I want; Raphael’s head on a stake. You never did care much for Downworlders. Neither did your father.” Camille taunted him.

Jace’s eyes blazed in anger at the mention of his father. He pulled fiercely at the restraints that held him in place, desperate to break free and pull Camille’s dead heart from her chest. Unable to escape, Jace settled for spitting at Camille, saliva hitting her face and running down her cheek.

Camille looked disgusted. “How dare you?” She stormed, moving closer to him, her fangs snapping out viciously. “Give me one reason why I shouldn’t kill you right now?”

Jace shrugged, he didn’t have one. He couldn’t find one good reason why he should live. His father was a monster, his mother had abandoned him, he was in love with his own sister. There was no reason for him to keep going. Suddenly Jace’s eyes fell to his parabatai rune; Alec. He had to live for Alec. He knew what dying would do to Alec, forever weaken his heart and his soul. He had Isabelle too and Max, Maryse and Robert, even Hodge. Deep down, Jace knew he had Clary as well, he knew his death would hurt her and he’d never choose to hurt her. 

Lifting his head, Jace stared at Camille defiantly. “Because I’ll do what you want, I’ll kill Raphael.”

“How can you be trusted?” Camille spat angrily.

“I swear it on Raziel.” Jace promised.

Camille gasped, shocked by Jace’s commitment. “I do not think dear Clarissa will be pleased by your murderous actions.”

Jace shrugged. “Sometimes we must be hated to protect those we love.”

Camille stared at him for a moment, as if lost in thoughts of the past. Jace wonder if she had ever experienced that feeling. Maybe she’d led a lifetime of being hated, all to protect someone she loved. Camille quickly snapped out of her nostalgia, turning her steely gaze on Jace.

“You have swore it on the angel. You will not let me down.” Camille demanded. “Or your loved ones will suffer your punishment.”

Jace nodded his agreement, staring deeply in to Camille’s dark eyes. He knew Clary would never forgive him for killing Raphael but she would get her mother back and Clary needed that more than anything. Maybe it was better for Clary to hate him, because Jace couldn't live with the love he saw reflected in Clary’s eyes each time she looked at him.

Suddenly a whooshing sound shocked Jace and Camille, as an arrow flew through the air, narrowly missing Camille’s shoulder.

“Shadowhunters.” Camille muttered, angrily.

All of a sudden, Camille was pressed against Jace, her breath too hot against his skin, her fangs narrowly missing his neck.

“Do not forget your promise, Jonathan Morgenstern.” Camille whispered in to his skin, before disappearing. 

Alec appeared a moment later, worry lining his face. He pulled harshly at the restraints binding Jace to the bridge. As the restraints loosened, Jace fell to the ground, his body aching where Camille had cut him. 

“How could you be so stupid?” Alec asked angrily, as he pulled out his stele, quickly marking Jace’s skin with an iratze.

Jace gasped as the relief from the pain flooded through him. He sat breathing heavily on the bridge, Alec sat by his side, the worry slowly ebbing away now that he’d found Jace.

“She asked me something.” Jace told him, staring out in to the midnight blue sky over the bridge.

“What?” Alec asked glancing at him.

“She asked me to give her one good reason why she shouldn’t kill me and I couldn’t. I couldn’t think of one reason to live.” Jace stuttered, buying his face in his arms.

Alec had never seen Jace cry before, even after his father had died and Jace had first come to live with them. He’d always been so strong, so resilient. But now he looked broken and lost. Alec’s heart ached and he longed to make Jace feel better. Placing his arm around Jace, he pulled him in to a hug, rubbing his back slowly.

“It’s okay.” Alec reassured him.

Jace broke apart, looking at Alec, his face wet from the tears he’d shed. “I nearly gave up hope, but then I thought of someone. Someone who’d die if I died, someone who wouldn’t want to live a life without me.”

Alec felt his heart beat thudding in his chest as he stared in to Jace’s eyes. He knew it was wrong, he knew he shouldn’t ask. But still he found himself voicing the words. “Who?”

“You.” Jace whispered.

Alec felt his breath catch in his throat as Jace leaned closer, his forehead resting against Alec’s. Slowly, he pressed his lips to Alec’s, his hands cupping his face. It was different to their first kiss, soft and gentle instead of wild and passionate. As Jace’s mouth moved slowly against his own, Alec could taste the saltiness of Jace’s tears. 

Alec broke apart, his head spinning. He knew he should stop this, images ran through his head of Lydia and Magnus, but he couldn’t think straight with Jace’s hands upon his face, pulling him closer. Alec laid a hand on Jace’s bare chest, keeping him at arm’s length. 

“Jace, we can’t.” Alec whispered.

Jace closed his eyes, another tear trailing down his cheek. “Please.” He whispered.

To Alec’s ears, Jace sounded broken beyond repair and he ached to comfort him however he could. Pulling Jace towards him, they kissed, Jace’s tongue deepening the kiss as Alec moaned. 

Jace’s thoughts flashed to Clary but he quickly pushed them away. Right now, he just wanted to feel loved by the one person he knew would always be there for him. He tangled his hands in Alec’s dark hair, pulling him closer, wishing to kiss away the pain that consumed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who saw Alec and Magnus together? And will Jace keep his promise to Camille?
> 
> Bookmark or subscribe to find out in the forthcoming chapters!


	10. Lose Yourself.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Jace tries to fulfil his promise to Camille will anyone be able to stop him from killing Raphael?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone that has commented on this story, I really appreciate it and I love hearing what you think. I don't always have time to reply but I will try to reply to some of the comments when I can.
> 
> I'm very busy with work but I will try to update this at least once a week. I'm also working on my own original novel about two soldiers who fall in love during the war. If you enjoy any of my M/M pairings in this fic then you may enjoy my original novel, so check it out on Wattpad under my name; MissOriginalWriter. 
> 
> Thank you for reading, commenting, subscribing and leaving kudos. Let me know what you think in the comments!

Jace had lain awake for hours upon arriving back at the Institute, tossing and turning as he considered the night’s events. He had been stupid to think he could kill Camille on his own. Valentine had always told him that he was weak, maybe he was right. Rubbing his tired eyes harshly, Jace’s thoughts turned to Alec, sending shockwaves of guilt rippling through him. He had kissed Alec, again. He didn’t know why, all he knew was that right now he felt more alone than ever. With Clary, Jace had been given a glimpse of what it could be like to be loved. Only for that hope to be ripped away. Kissing Alec offered Jace some form of comfort, some closeness he longed for deep in his bones. If he was honest with himself he knew it was still Clary he ached for but he could never have her. Whereas Alec would always be his.

Meanwhile in the room along the corridor from Jace, Alec lay awake, his skin tingling where Jace had touched him. He squeezed his eyes shut, however sleep would not comfort him tonight. Sighing loudly, Alec got up, pacing along the floor. He knew that kissing Jace was a mistake, but that hadn’t stopped him. He missed him, the Jace who had been his best friend.

Padding down the hallway, Alec stopped outside his room, knocking gently on Jace’s door. When there came no reply, Alec pushed the door open slowly, stepping inside. Jace looked like an angel with his eyes closed and his golden hair fanned out across the pillow. However the fluttering of his eyelashes gave him away.

“I know you’re awake.” Alec muttered, standing at the door.

Jace opened his eyes, staring at him. He knew he loved Clary but that didn’t stop his heart pounding in his chest at the sight of Alec. Was it regret, or something else? Sitting up, Jace cleared his throat, looking down.

“What happened with Camille?” Alec asked.

Jace shrugged. “You saw.”

“Jace, I’m serious. What did you promise her?” Alec demanded.

Jace remained silent, staring down at his covers until he felt the bed dip slightly. He looked up to see Alec sitting across from him on the bed, worry lining his face.

“Talk to me.” Alec whispered softly.

The dark shadows of the night suited Alec, illuminating his beauty. Jace leant forward slightly, moving towards him. However Alec stopped him abruptly, turning his head away. Feeling rejected, Jace stared out of the window, heat flaming his face. Even Alec didn’t want him anymore.

“Jace, we can’t.” Alec said softly. “Just tell me what happened.”

Part of Jace wanted to storm and fight, pushing Alec from the room. The other part of him longed for someone to talk to. Making his mind up, Jace looked back at Alec determinedly.

“I promised to kill Raphael.” Jace said nonchalantly.

Alec gasped. “Jace, you can’t be serious.”

Jace shrugged again. “I’ll do what I have to.”

“What’s wrong with you, Jace? Why did you-…” Alec’s words trailed off, unable to ask why Jace had kissed him. Alec wasn’t ready to hear it, wasn’t ready to hear how Jace was just using him.

Jace stared at him, looking braver than he felt. “You didn’t stop me.”

Alec sighed, shaking his head. “Whatever you need, I’ll help.”

Jace smiled slightly at Alec’s words, reassured that Alec would always choose him, always want him. Feeling braver, Jace leant forward, resting his forehead against Alec’s.

“What about this time? Are you going to stop me?” Jace smirked.

Alec groaned quietly, closing his eyes. Jace was the boy he had dreamt of, the boy he had loved for the past few years. How could he say no? Relenting, Alec felt Jace’s lips against his own, moving quickly, his tongue quickly seeking entrance. Falling back on to the bed, Jace’s weight pressed against him, holding him down as Alec’s hands tangled in his golden hair, pulling him closer.

Over at the Hotel Dumont, Raphael poured himself a glass of fresh blood, drinking deeply. He felt restless and his fangs ached to go out, to bite in to an innocent victim, to forget for just a few hours. Suddenly the sound of someone entering the room caught his attention. Turning around he came face to face with Simon, his breath catching in his throat at the sight of him. 

“Hey. I just came to collect my stuff, I’m not going to stay here.” Simon muttered, avoiding Raphael’s gaze.

“Where will you go?” Raphael asked, trying to sound nonchalant even though his heart was filled with fear. He was losing Simon.

Simon shrugged, before looking up at Raphael. The startling blue of his eyes rendered Raphael speechless. In that moment Raphael wanted to kiss Simon more than he had ever needed blood. As the silence grew longer, Simon turned away, heading for the door.

“Wait.” Raphael called.

Simon stopped but did not turn around to face the vampire. Staring at Simon’s back, Raphael longed to say the words he held close to his heart but fear held him back. 

“You don’t have to go. What happened was just a mistake.” Raphael assured him. 

“A mistake?” Simon questioned, quietly. His shoulders dropping with his fading hope. 

Raphael’s heart screamed no but from his lips came his reluctant confirmation. “Yes, of course.”

Simon spun around, hearing the lie in Raphael’s words. “You kissed me back.”

Raphael flinched. It was true, for a moment, for one delicious, magical moment he had kissed Simon. But nothing could happen. Raphael was a mess, Simon deserved better than that. Simon deserved someone who could be proud of loving him.

Looking down, Raphael remained silent, a tear trickling down his face as Simon scoffed at his cowardice before leaving him alone.

Back at the Institute, breaking apart for air, Jace grinned happily, adrenaline coursing through his body. Jace kissed Alec chastely, loving hearing him moan. “Let’s do it.” Jace murmured.

“What?” Alec spluttered, surprised.

“Let’s kill Raphael now.” Jace whispered, pressing kisses along Alec’s neck.

“Oh.” Alec said, trying to think straight as Jace continued to kiss him.

Suddenly Jace jumped off the bed, landing as quietly as a mouse on the floor. He rushed around the room, strapping weapons to him. Alec watched him breathlessly as he tried to organise his thoughts. Before he had time to stand, Jace was beside him again, holding out his stele. 

“Mark me.” Jace spoke quietly, giving the stele to Alec, the slight brush of their hands sending shivers down Alec’s spine.

Jace closed his eyes as Alec traced runes upon his pale skin, giving him the gifts of speed, agility and endurance. Drawing runes upon another’s skin was an intimate act that required trust and love. Leaning in to his touch, Jace whispered against Alec’s skin.

“We could be like this, in secret.” 

Alec felt his heart clench painfully. It was the same message he had said to Magnus. Suddenly, he realised how cruel he had been. It wasn’t fair to ask anyone to be a secret. But as he looked up at Jace, he struggled to find the strength to tell him no.

Turning away, Alec stood up. “I’ll get my gear.” he said.

As Alec left the room, he held his phone, calling the one person who he knew would help. The one person who would help him, even when he didn’t deserve it.

An hour later, Raphael sat on a plush chair, surrounded by empty bottles of fresh blood. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, Raphael stared blankly ahead. He felt broken, as if he had lost everything. He angrily threw the bottle across the room, watching as it smashed in to hundreds of tiny shards of glass. 

Suddenly he heard a loud bang and he was surprised to find Jace and Alec crashing in to his suite. Rolling his eyes, Raphael turned away, he was tired of Shadowhunter business.

“If you are here to ask another favour then the answer is no.” Raphael told them drily.

Jace laughed humourlessly. “Looks like it’s your lucky day then, we won’t be asking for anymore favours.”

Raphael looked up at the world famous Shadowhunter curiously. He couldn’t see what everyone else gushed about. Shrugging, he turned away, perhaps he just preferred brunettes. Suddenly Jace pulled Raphael up, pressing him against the wall, one arm holding him in place by the throat. Raphael struggled, however the copious amounts of blood he had drank made him feel sluggish and slow. 

Alec glanced nervously at the door as if he was waiting for someone, while Jace pulled out a wooden stake from his jacket. Raphael gasped, he had not expected to die tonight. Although he had already had his heart broken, he may as well have it stabbed too, some may think it was poetic.

“Say adios amigo.” Jace taunted him.

Raphael closed his eyes, waiting for the end when all of a sudden Jace was ripped from him, leaving Raphael to crumple to the ground. Raphael looked up to see what had caused the commotion and his eyes widened as he saw Simon, his sharp fangs ripping in to Jace’s neck, blood staining his t-shirt. Alec pulled at Simon, trying desperately to get him off Jace.

A loud bang and a puff of blue smoke caused them all to freeze, breathing heavily as they stared at the new arrival; Magnus.

“There will be no death here tonight.” Magnus informed them all, firmly.

Jace looked from Magnus to Alec and back again, his brain adding up the pieces. “You called him.” Jace stated, feeling betrayed. He had thought he could trust Alec, he had believed he could rely on him.

“I couldn’t let you kill him.” Alec replied, his heart heavy.

Jace moved towards him, until they were only inches apart. “You betrayed me.” Jace spoke seriously, with an edge as sharp as a knife to his words.

Alec closed his eyes, inhaling deeply as Jace’s words hit him. “This isn’t you, Jace.”

“You’re wrong. Maybe I’m more like my father than you think.” Jace snarled, before pushing passed Alec and disappearing into the night.

Magnus glanced around the room, Raphael sat slumped against the wall staring at Simon who was wiping Jace’s blood from his lips just next to Alec who looked deflated and broken. He wanted to talk to him, to check if Alec was okay, to thank him for calling him and trusting him. Motioning to the exit, Magnus caught Alec’s eye.

“We should go.” Magnus spoke breaking the silence in the room.

Alec nodded before leaving the room, stopping only when he heard Raphael’s voice behind him.

“Thank you for what you have done tonight, I will not forget it.” Raphael promised, before laying down on the floor, the words seeming to take what little energy he had left.

After Alec and Magnus had taken their leave, Simon sat breathing heavily in the middle of the room, his hands resting on his knees as he stared at the floor beneath him. He’d left the hotel, walked away from the only vampires he knew but something had stopped him. A sense of danger buzzing through his veins, the fear of losing someone he loved running deeply. Rushing back to the hotel Simon had seen Jace closing in on Raphael, the wooden stake in his hand. He had done the only think he could do, risked his own life for Raphael’s. He could still taste Jace’s blood in his mouth.

“That was stupid.” Raphael mumbled, as if he had read Simon’s thoughts.

“What?” Simon snarled, staring at Raphael who lay with his eyes closed. He was still angry, furious at Raphael.

“Trying to take on Jace. You wouldn’t have won.” Raphael spoke, his voice weak.

Simon’s ears burned at Raphael’s words but his heart ached to see him in this state. He looked vulnerable and fragile. “Are you okay?” Simon asked worriedly.

“I am, because of you.” Raphael whispered.

Simon inhaled sharply, what was Raphael saying? Moving closer, Simon knelt down next to Raphael, sweeping his hair back from his forehead, feeling the sweat beneath his fingers.

“I thought about you before, well you know.” Raphael mumbled, motioning to his chest where Jace had been about to stake him.

“Wishing you’d never met me.” Simon joked, nudging Raphael’s shoulders.

Raphael smiled sleepily, opening his eyes momentarily to look up at Simon. For an instance, Simon thought he looked so young, childlike even. Taking a deep breath, Simon once again put his heart on the line for a complicated vampire, as he slid his hand along the floor, entwining his fingers with Raphael’s pale hand. He felt Raphael tense beneath him, before relaxing, closing his eyes and drifting off to sleep. Safely protected under the watchful eye of the man he loved.

Meanwhile, outside, Magnus stood next to Alec under the midnight sky. He glanced at him worriedly.

“Alec.” Magnus whispered.

Alec shook his head. “I’ve lost him, Magnus. He thinks I’ve betrayed him.”

“He’ll come round Alec, you did the right thing.” Magnus reassured him, reaching out to take his hand.

Alec flinched away from his touch, just hours before he had kissed Jace. He couldn’t take comfort in Magnus’ arms, not now. “I can’t.” Alec said, beginning to walk away.

Magnus watched him go, sadly. A few steps away, Alec turned around to look at Magnus, illuminated beautifully under the stars. His heart ached, Magnus had helped him when he’d asked, even after how badly he’d treated him. He didn’t deserve the magical warlock.

“Thank you.” Alec spoke, his words carrying across the distance between them, meaning more than he could say.

Magnus nodded. “Anytime.”

Magnus walked home alone, pondering the night. Alec had reached out to him for help, he’d chosen to save Magnus’ friend rather than help Jace. Smiling slightly, Magnus felt happy, as if Alec had finally started to care about him. Feeling hopeful, Magnus closed his door, leaning back against it as he allowed himself a moment of giddy happiness to flush through him. Suddenly a loud knock caused him to jump, before he turned to open the door.

“Back already?” Magnus teased, expecting his visitor to be Alec, however he stopped short as his eyes fell upon Jace.

Pushing passed Magnus, Jace entered the apartment, his hair untidy. “I want you to open a portal for me.”

“Do come in, Jonathan.” Magnus replied sarcastically before gasping as Jace pinned him against the wall.

“Open the portal.” Jace demanded, his eyes mad with fury.

“No.” Magnus replied, calmly.

Fury ran through Jace as he thought of Alec’s betrayal. Alec was his best friend and he had turned against him. There was no one else left to trust. Or maybe there was. Maybe he’d been the only person who ever understood him.

“I want to go to my father.” Jace told him.

Magnus gasped. “Jace, you can’t. I can’t, Alec would never forgive me.”

Jace narrowed his eyes at Magnus. “Alec? What’s Alec got to do with this?”

Magnus glanced down, avoiding Jace’s eye as the realisation dawned upon him. “You like him, don’t you? You want to know what’s ironic? Alec loves me.”

Magnus looked up sharply, the words he had feared piercing through his heart. “Liar.” Magnus snarled.

Jace laughed coldly. “Then why did he kiss me?”

“Liar.” Magnus shouted, magic radiating from him, sending Jace flying across the room.

“Just hours ago, in my bed.” Jace told him, nonchalantly. He’d lost all feeling, it was like he had become empty inside. A man could only lose so much before he lost himself.

Magnus closed his eyes, trying to push away the image of his Alec kissing Jace. He had believed that Alec cared, that one day he’d leave Lydia and choose him. However in an instant his hopes and dreams had come crashing down around him.

“Open the portal, Magnus, and you’ll never have to worry about me and Alec.” Jace goaded him.

Magnus’ hands flew up, twisting in the air, purple smoke pouring from his fingertips until a portal shimmered in the air between them. Magnus panted heavily as he watched Jace stand forward, glancing at the warlock for a moment. His eyes seeming to convey his sadness and regret, before hardening as he turned back to the portal, stepping forward and disappearing before Magnus’ eyes.

Magnus slid down to the floor, his head in his hands. Alec must never find out what he had done because he knew Alec would never forgive him. Maybe he’d never forgive himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will Alec find out Magnus provided Jace with the portal to go to Valentine?
> 
> And how will Clary react when she finds out where Jace has gone?
> 
> Find out in the next chapter of Living in the Shadows!


	11. Till Death Do We Part.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the Shadowhunters realise Jace is missing, what will they be willing to risk to find him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've taken over a week to update this fic. I've been super busy with work and updating my other fanfics. I kind of lost inspiration with this story for a while too and I just didn't feel very motivated to write it. Hopefully I'm over that now, and that you all enjoy this chapter.
> 
> Kudos and comments mean so much to me and really encourage me to keep writing!
> 
> Thank you to everyone for reading this and sticking with the fic.

“Alec.” Clary shouted as she raced through the Institute. She had been awoken that morning by a panicked Isabelle.

Isabelle had quickly filled her in on the previous nights events; Camille torturing Jace, Jace attempting to kill Raphael, Alec calling Magnus for help. As Clary had sat up in her bed, wide eyed and speechless, she had gripped Isabelle’s shoulders tightly.

“How do you know, Iz?” Clary asked.

“Simon called me. Clary, Jace still isn’t home.” Isabelle explained.

For a moment Clary felt a hint of jealous that Simon had turned to Isabelle rather than her. Had she been so focused on her mother that she had lost her best friend? Pushing aside her unwarranted jealousy, Clary had jumped out of bed and raced through the halls of the Institute. If anyone knew where Jace was, it would be Alec.

She burst through his bedroom door, not even stopping to knock. Lydia shouted, pulling the covers up over her light pink, lace nightdress as she stared at Clary.

“Clary, have you lost your mind?” Lydia asked, disbelievingly.

Clary ignored her, instead focusing entirely on Alec, who had sat up abruptly at Clary’s arrival.

“Where’s Jace?” she demanded.

“In his bedroom, I would imagine. Or perhaps the training room.” Alec spoke each word slowly, as if speaking to someone particularly stupid. It was no secret that he didn’t like Clary.

“You think we didn’t check that, Alec? Do you even care that Jace is gone?” Clary shouted, panic rising in her voice.

Alec leapt out of bed, his black jogging pants hanging low on his hips, as he stood squarely before Clary. “Of course I care, he’s my parabatai.” Alec stormed.

“Then tell me what happened.” Clary demanded.

As they faced off, both breathing heavily, Lydia slid from the bed, wrapping a matching dressing gown around her, tying it at the waist. She walked towards them, resting her hand on Alec’s arm. 

“Let’s just calm down and talk about this downstairs.” Lydia reasoned.

Clary felt fear burning through her skin but she reluctantly nodded her head. She just had to hope that Jace could look after himself until she could find him.

“Five minutes.” Clary stated sharply, before turning around and sashaying angrily from the room.

Alec watched her go, before slamming the door forcefully behind her. Lydia startled next to him at the loud bang. “Sorry.” Alec muttered, turning away.

“Hey.” Lydia said, pulling him back to face her.

Lydia knew their marriage had been more for convenience than love, but that didn’t mean that she wasn’t willing to try. She cared about Alec and she was certainly attracted to his gorgeous dark hair and deep brown eyes. She truly believed that in time she could love him and that he could love her. However she couldn’t achieve that if Alec never let her in, if he continued to push her away.

“Alec, you need to talk to me.” Lydia told him seriously.

“I know, downstairs…” Alec began.

“No.” Lydia interrupted. “Not just now, but always. I’m your wife but you never tell me anything. You barely speak to me. You come home late every night, and slip in to bed, hoping I’m already asleep. I don’t understand, I thought you wanted to marry me.”

Alec looked down feeling guilt run through him. He had chosen to marry Lydia, linked them together through their marriage runes forever and now all he was doing was making her miserable. He placed his hands on her shoulders.

“I’m sorry, Lyds. I’ll try harder, this is just all so new. I’ll get better, I promise.” Alec said, smiling encouragingly at Lydia. He owed it to her to at least try to be a better husband.

Suddenly Lydia leapt forward crashing her lips to Alec’s tangling her hands in his hair. Surprised, Alec froze, her lips felt too wet beneath his own as if she was wearing lip balm and her hands pulled too hard on his hair. But as she kissed him enthusiastically, Alec realised that this was what he had signed up for. This is what he had promised Lydia. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he reluctantly kissed Lydia back, keeping his eyes closed to imagine it was someone else, a certain magical warlock.

Moments later Alec sat in the living room, facing a questioning Clary and Isabelle. He didn't want to explain how he’d betrayed Jace but he knew he couldn’t avoid Clary forever.

“What happened?” Clary demanded, narrowing her eyes suspiciously, her bright red hair pulled back in to a pony tail.

“Jace went to find Camille, on his own.” Alec began before he was interrupted by a worried Clary.

“Did she hurt him?” Clary asked.

Alec nodded, wishing he’d been there to stop Camille before she’d got to Jace. “She made him promise to kill Raphael.”

“And you agreed to help?” Isabelle asked, frowning, his eyes piercing through Alec judgmentally.

“Yes Iz, I agreed to help but I lied. Instead I called Magnus and betrayed my best friend. Are you happy now?” Alec fumed, sending his chair flying across the room as he stood up angrily.

“Alec.” Isabelle said soothingly, placing a hand on his arm. “You did the right thing. If Jace had killed Raphael for no reason then he would have been deliberately breaking the Accords. He could have been stripped of his marks.”

Alec nodded, deep down he knew he’d done the right thing for Jace. He’d saved him from a much worse fate but that didn’t make it any easier to accept that he had betrayed his parabatai.

“How could he?” Clary whispered, staring down at the table.

Alec scoffed. “How could he? It was for you Clary, all for you. He did it to get the Book of the White because he couldn’t bare to see you hurt over your mother. He risked everything to help you. This is all your fault, Clary. We were fine until you got here.”

Tears sprung to Clary’s eyes as Alec’s venomous words fired in her direction. Jumping up, she fled from the room, leaving a shocked Isabelle to reprimand her brother.

“Alec, what is wrong with you? None of this is Clary’s fault. Valentine is the enemy, remember?” Isabelle said, staring at him, ashamed.

Alec watched her go, feeling his heart sink. Over the duration of a single day he had betrayed his parabatai, hurt Clary and disappointed his sister. He didn’t want to be the bad guy all the time, he was just trying to do his best. But it was hard, he was young and he didn’t always know what the best choice was. Suddenly an idea came to him. He know how he could find Jace, all he needed was a little bit of help. 

Meanwhile at the Hotel Dumont, Raphael awoke to find himself lying in his bed, Simon perched at the bottom, watching over him. Raphael sat up abruptly, half formed memories of last night flashing through his mind. Pushing Simon away, Jace standing before him with a stake, Simon biting through Jace’s neck. Raphael squeezed his eyes closed trying to push away the images. But one picture wouldn’t leave him, the image of Simon holding his hand as he’d fallen to sleep.

“How are you feeling?” Simon asked, tentatively. 

Simon didn’t know if Raphael had wanted him to stay but he’d been worried so he had stayed to quell his own worries. If Raphael wanted him to leave then he’d have to ask. It wasn’t like he could leave the hotel during daylight hours anyway. 

Raphael nodded. “I’m fine, never better.”

Simon nodded, staring down at the duvet, his fingers idly playing with a loose thread. He felt uncomfortable and awkward. He didn’t know what to say or do. Part of him wanted to move closer, to hold Raphael in his arms. But another part of him just wanted to get up and run, even if that meant facing the daylight. 

Raphael watched him, feeling his heart thudding in his chest. He owed Simon, he had tried to save his life. Risked his own fragile vampire life for Raphael. The least he could do was thank him and ask him to stay.

“Simon.” Raphael said.

Simon’s head snapped up immediately to look at him, his eyes drinking in Raphael’s pale skin.

“Thank you, for what you did last night. It was unbelievably stupid, but I thank you none the less.” Raphael said.

Simon watched him, biting nervously at his bottom lip. “Stupid? You think I’m stupid?” he questioned.

Raphael sighed, everything was so hard with humans. They took everything so literally and over analysed each and every word spoken. “Simon, I never meant that. I meant that you could have been hurt.”

Simon shrugged. “You don’t think your little fledgling is very useful when faced against the mighty Jace then?” 

“You’re not mine.” Raphael told him, pointedly ignoring the question. They both knew that Simon was no match for an experienced Shadowhunter like Jace.

“What about if I want to be yours?” Simon exclaimed, before closing his mouth suddenly, wishing he could somehow retract his words from the air between them.

Raphael closed his eyes, holding his fingers to the bridge of his nose. What could he give Simon? He couldn’t even accept his own sexuality. How could he give Simon the kind of relationship he deserved?

“Simon.” He began.

“Don’t.” Simon interrupted him. “It’s stupid. Just forget it.”

As Simon began to rise from the bed, Raphael’s heart fought with his head. It would be so easy to just let him go, to let him walk away but if he did that then he’d lose the man he cared about. The man who made him smile and infuriated him at times, but the same man who had shown that he’d do anything to protect Raphael.

“Simon, wait.” Raphael began. “I can’t be the person you want me to. It’s too hard, and I’ve hidden away for too long. That doesn’t mean I don’t feel things though, because I do.”

Simon stared at him, before sitting back down on the bed, closer to Raphael. “So you feel it too?” Simon asked.

Raphael nodded.

Simon leant closer, cupping Raphael’s face with his hands. Raphael’s breath hitched at the touch, as he brought his own hand up to rest against Simon’s.

“Simon, I can’t.” Raphael whispered.

“Doesn’t it feel right?” Simon questioned.

“Yes, but that doesn’t mean it’s right.” Raphael spoke softly, his voice anguished.

Raphael shuddered as Simon’s breath blew across his face. How could something so good be wrong? Pushing aside his own fears, Raphael leant forward, capturing Simon’s lips with his own. Simon groaned against his mouth, and Raphael ached to hear the sound again. He flicked his tongue against Simon’s lip, seeking entrance which Simon willingly gave him. His hands tangled in Simon’s hair as he explored his warm mouth.

Breaking apart, they panted, resting their foreheads together. Raphael felt high, as if he had just drunk fresh blood from the veins of a human. His whole body felt alive, every inch of him electrified.

“I can’t promise you anything, Simon.” Raphael whispered.

“I was just a normal teenager and now I’m a dead vampire. You never know what the future holds Raphael.” Simon explained grinning.

Raphael smiled back, loving the way Simon made him feel so relaxed and happy.

Pressing a chaste kiss against Simon’s lips, Raphael smirked. “Let’s just see what happens, my little fledgling.”

“What’s this plan you need help with?” Magnus asked as he appeared beside Alec in the Institute. 

Alec stared at Magnus, taking in the sight of him. He looked so good. Alec shook his head, pushing his indecent thoughts aside, he had to be a better husband to Lydia.

“I thought of a way to find Jace.” Alec explained.

Magnus felt his heart beat quicken as he avoided Alec’s gaze, guiltily.

“Our parabatai bond, we can use it to find him.” Alec told him.

Magnus shook his head. “No, Alec. You nearly broke your bond last time.”

Alec nodded, he understood the seriousness of the situation but he was desperate to find Jace. “We have to try, Magnus. After what I did, I have to find him.”

Magnus swallowed, nervously. How could he help Alec when it might hurt him? However he owed it to Alec and Jace to try, he was the one who’d help Jace leave after all.

“You understand this may hurt you, Alec?” Magnus questioned. “Abusing your parabatai bond like this can result in breaking the bond, or something much worse.”

“What?” Alec asked. Whatever it was, he would risk it for Jace.

“Death, Alec. If your bond breaks, you risk killing yourself or Jace.” Magnus warned him, eerily.


	12. The Truth Hurts.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Magnus go through with performing the ritual to find Jace? Or will he tell Alec the truth and risk losing him forever?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone that has left kudos and comments on this story. I love hearing what you think! 
> 
> If you enjoy this chapter please let me know in the comments.
> 
> And remember to leave kudos, bookmarks or subscribe! All of your support is greatly appreciated.

“Alec, I can’t believe you’re even considering this. Have you lost your mind?” Isabelle fumed, storming in to the hospital wing of the Institute.

Alec sat on the side of one of the hospital beds, it was uncomfortable but Alec hadn’t wanted to perform the spell in the bed he shared with Lydia. He didn’t want Magnus to have to see where they slept. After Jace had left, Alec had begun to realise how selfish he was. Kissing Alec, promising him things before disappearing without a trace. The thing that hurt most though, was realising that he had behaved worse than Jace. He had promised Lydia a future he couldn’t give her, he had taken advantage of Magnus’ feelings for him, and he had kissed Jace when he knew he loved Clary.

Looking down, Alec knew his mind was made up. Nothing Isabelle said could change that. He had to find Jace, to make up in some part for all the terrible things he had done. 

“Iz, I have to do what I can to find Jace. You’d do it for him.” Alec told his sister.

Isabelle shook her head, exasperated. “No. I know you love him, we all do. But you can’t die for him Alec. You can’t leave me.”

Alec pulled Isabelle in to his arms as she sobbed. Rubbing comforting circles along her back, Alec rested his head on her hair. “I’ll be fine, Iz. What’s happened to my tough, ass kicking sister eh?”

Isabelle chuckled softly between her sobs, punching her brother playfully on the shoulder. “Hey, don’t tell anyone that I cried.”

Alec let her go, stepping back to look at her. “I’m proud of you Iz, you have a big heart. If Simon can’t see that then he’s an idiot.”

Isabelle’s eyes widened. “I don’t like Si…” Isabelle began before her words trailed off. Alec knew her too well.

Nodding her head, Isabelle stared up at her brother. “I love you, Alec.”

“Love you too, Iz.” Alec said, squeezing his sister’s arm.

Suddenly a knock at the door caused them both to glance up, to see Clary standing in the doorway. She smiled sadly at the brother and sister in front of her. 

“Sorry, I can come back later.” Clary said softly.

Isabelle glanced at Alec, she didn’t want them to argue. But seeing Alec nod, Isabelle left the room, smiling sadly at Clary as she left.

“Hey.” Clary said, entering the hospital wing, avoiding Alec’s gaze.

Alec watched her approach, guilt running through him. He’d been horrible to Clary, blamed her for Jace’s disappearance. He didn’t deserve her being so kind to him.

“You don’t have to do this.” Clary said suddenly, glancing up at Alec.

Alec watched the sunlight reflecting on to her red hair, making it shimmer. Her green eyes sparkled with love and kindness, trust and loyalty. All the time he’d been so jealous of Clary that he hadn’t stopped to notice how strong she was, how brave she was. Her life had completely changed in just a few weeks and her mother lay unconscious down the hall, but still she found a way to show compassion to everyone she met. Suddenly Alec felt unbearably guilty.

“I know.” Alec nodded.

Silence stretched between them for a moment, both of them just waiting, allowing their relationship to thaw before their eyes. Maybe they didn’t have to be enemies.

“I’m sorry.” Alec began.

Clary shook her head. “Don’t. You were looking out for Jace, protecting him from some girl that turned his life upside down. I couldn’t wish Jace to have a better parabatai. I’m grateful he has you Alec.” Clary told him, reaching out to squeeze his hand lightly.

“You’re not some girl, Clary. You’re a Shadowhunter, you’re one of us.” Alec replied, realising the truth behind his words.

A tear trickled down Clary’s face, which she quickly brushed away, laughing. She was just realising how much had changed in her life over the last few weeks. She’d lost her mother, only to find her again and have no idea how to wake her up. Her best friend had become a vampire. She had become a Shadowhunter. 

“Be careful.” Clary warned him. “Jace would never forgive himself if anything happened to you.”

Alec nodded, as they both sat down, waiting for Magnus to arrive. The two people who loved Jace most in the world, silently waiting together in solidarity. Both willing to do anything to save the Shadowhunter with the blonde hair and blue eyes.

Meanwhile Simon paced the streets of New York, the sun shining down brightly on his skin. He didn’t know how it was possible. After becoming a vampire, Simon had spent each day hidden away. But now, as if the past few weeks had been a dream, Simon was walking the sunny streets of New York again, just as he had before he’d become a vampire.

It had become a routine for Simon, waking each day and drawing back the curtain slightly, just to check, each time feeling the burn against his skin. But this morning had been different. As the sun fell through the window, against Simon’s skin, he’d felt nothing. Throwing the curtains open, he’d stood unprotected in the blazing sun. 

Part of him expected his skin to shrivel and burn but nothing had happened. So he’d left the hotel, rejoicing in the feel of being outside in the daylight again. He felt almost normal. His tongue slid against his teeth, checking for the point of his fangs. However they were still there, he was still a vampire. Eventually he ended up outside the Institute.

Wandering inside, Simon stopped inside the Sanctuary. He stood waiting, reaching for his phone to text Clary when suddenly he he heard a faint sound; someone was crying.

“Hello.” Simon called out in to the empty hallway.

All of a sudden, Isabelle entered the Sanctuary, her eyes red rimmed. “Simon, Clary’s here somewhere. I’ll get her.” Isabelle said, turning away.

“Iz, wait.” Simon said, reaching out to grab her arm. 

For a moment they stood staring at each other, Isabelle’s eyes filling with tears. Simon held out his arms as Isabelle collapsed in to him, her sobs muffled against his chest. Simon held her, stroking her hair softly, whispering words of comfort. “It’s okay, I’ve got you.”

As her sobs quietened, Isabelle broke away, embarrassedly rubbing her eyes, smudging her black eyeliner. “Sorry.” she muttered.

Simon shrugged, reaching up to brush a stray tear from her cheek. “What happened?”

Isabelle’s breath hitched as Simon’s fingertips touched her skin, leaving a trailing blaze of heat where they had lingered. She turned away, sitting down, waiting for Simon to join her.

“Jace is gone and Alec is going to use their parabatai bond to find him.” Isabelle explained.

Simon felt himself flare with anger at the mention of Jace. Jace who had promised to kill Raphael, Jace who had held a stake before Raphael’s heart, Jace who Simon had bitten. Suddenly a thought came to Simon, could that be why he could now walk in the daylight? Could drinking Shadownhunter blood offer some protection from the sun?

“Iz…” Simon began, wanting answers.

“They could die, Simon. I could lose both of them.” Isabelle gasped, the weight of the consequences laying heavily on her heart.

Simon put his arm around her, pulling Isabelle against him, her head resting on his shoulder. “From what I know of Alec, nothing is going to stop him helping Jace. All you can do is be there for him, Iz.”

He felt Isabelle nod. Right now was not the time to ask her about Shadowhunters blood but he knew when the time came, Isabelle was the right person to ask. 

Back in the hospital wing, Magnus arrived, carrying in his arms a plethora of potions and pots. A spell book lodged under one arm. His hair was untidy and his eyes were red as if he had been crying. Alec ached to go to him but he held back, aware of Clary’s presence within the room. 

“Are you ready?” Alec asked, looking at Magnus.

Magnus looked back, his eyes full of anguish. How could he let Alec do this when he knew where Jace was, when he’d helped Jace get there? But he couldn’t tell Alec, couldn’t risk losing him forever.

Laying his equipment down, Magnus turned to Clary. “I need a towel and a wooden spoon, could you find them Clarissa?”

Clary nodded, all too happy to help in any way she could.

As Clary left the room, Magnus reached for Alec, pulling him close, cupping his face with his hands. “Alexander, please don’t do this.”

Alec sighed, leaning in to Magnus’ embrace. “I have to. I owe Jace this much.”

Magnus shook his head, closing his eyes. “Please, I’m begging you not to Alec.”

“Hey.” Alec said, leaning closer. “I’m going to be okay. I trust you to keep me safe, to keep both of us safe.”

Alec realised that his words were true. He knew that Magnus would do all he could to keep him safe, to do anything and everything he could to help him. In that moment, everything became clear to Alec. His marriage to Lydia was just a duty he had felt obliged to fulfil for his family. His encounters with Jace had been based on love that Alec had feared and hidden for so long. But what he had with Magnus, that was real. 

Moving closer, Alec captured Magnus’ lips with his own, kissing him softly. “I’m sorry for asking you to be a secret.” Alec said, kissing Magnus again.

“I’m sorry for marrying Lydia.” Alec told him, before pressing another chaste kiss to Magnus’ lips.

“I’m sorry for not realising how much I care about you, until now.” Alec said, before finally pulling Magnus in and kissing him fully, sliding his tongue in to Magnus’ mouth.

Magnus groaned, clinging to Alec. He wanted to cry and laugh at the same time. Oh the irony of it all. Having Alec realise his feelings for him, just before Magnus had to destroy it all. Using all of his strength, Magnus broke apart, moving out of Alec’s reach. He had to tell Alec the truth before this went any further.

“Alec…” Magnus began before he was interrupted by Clary and Isabelle entering the room.

“Let’s get started then.” Isabelle said, forcing a fake cheer in to her voice. She wanted to remain positive for her brother.

Alec nodded, laying back on to the hospital bed, as Magnus stood over him. Magnus’ heart beat wildly in his chest as he stared down at the man he loved. How could he hurt him? Isabelle and Clary stood a short distance away, watching the encounter, waiting. 

Magnus raised his arms out, above Alec, muttering the incantation. As the spell progressed Alec moaned in pain, his face breaking out into a sweat. Magnus bit his lip hard, drawing blood. He had to stop. But he’d lose Alec. Either way he’d lose Alec. If he continued with the spell, Alec could die and he’d lose him forever. But if he told Alec the truth then Alec would never forgive him, and he’d lose Alec forever. 

Suddenly Alec let out a gasp of pain and Magnus stopped, making up his mind. He’d rather lose Alec and know that he was alive and safe. Magnus lowered his hands, causing Alec’s eyes to open, staring up at him.

“What happened? Why did you stop?” Alec asked.

“I know where Jace is.” Magnus spoke sadly, staring down at the parabatai rune on Alec’s chest, just next to his marriage rune. What a mess they’d made of everything, Magnus thought.

“Did the spell work?” Clary asked, hopefully.

Magnus shook his head, as Alec sat up, placing his hand on Magnus’ arm. “What happened?”

Magnus looked in to his eyes, pleading with Alec to understand. “I know where Jace is because I helped him go there. I created a portal for him.”

Alec let go of him, staring up, confused. “Why didn’t you just tell me? Where is he?”

Magnus moved away, turning his back on Alec, he couldn’t handle the hatred he knew he’d see in Alec’s eyes when he told him the truth.

“He’s gone to Valentine.” Magnus said.

He heard shocked gasps behind him, before Clary grabbed his arm, turning him around. “What? I don’t believe you helped him go there Magnus.”

Magnus avoided her gaze, staring down at the floor. 

“Why?” Isabelle stormed. “Why would you do that?”

Magnus’ eyes wandered to Alec. “He told me things, threatened to take away the most important thing in my life.”

Alec looked back at Magnus; hurt, confusion and guilt reflected in his eyes. This was all his fault.

“So you sent him to his psychotic father? How could you Magnus? We trusted you.” Clary stormed, tears falling down her face from the betrayal and fear for Jace.

Suddenly Alec stood up, no matter what he’d done, Magnus should have known better. Alec couldn’t forgive Magnus for this, even though he knew deep down that he was to blame just as much as Magnus.

Alec stood in front of Magnus. “How could you do this to me?”

“Alec…” Magnus began, his voice pleading for understanding and forgiveness.

Alec shook his head, sadly. “Just go and don’t ever come back. No Lightwood will ever associate with you again.”

Tears filled Magnus’ eyes as he felt Alec closing himself off, the distance between them growing by the second. Magnus nodded sadly, knowing he’d lost Alec for good. His only comfort; the fact that he’d kept him safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will Simon tell Isabelle about being able to walk in the light?
> 
> Will Clary go after Jace?
> 
> And can Alec ever forgive Magnus?
> 
> Find out in the next chapter of Living in the Shadows.


	13. I'm Alive.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Alec leaves Lydia, will he choose to move forward and forgive Magnus?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't updated this in a while, I've been very busy. Let me know in the comments what you think of this chapter.
> 
> I've decided to join twitter too, so if you want to hear updates about my stories then follow me @MisFanficWriter
> 
> Thank you for sticking with this fic!

Clary tossed and turned in her bed, her mind unable to shut down and allow her to sleep. Thoughts of Jace flashed over and over; Jace finding Valentine, Valentine hurting him, never seeing Jace again. Sitting up abruptly, Clary took in a shaky breath. Her mother lay down the hall, unconscious and Clary was no closer to helping her. She had lost her mother, she wouldn’t lose Jace too.

Dressing quickly, Clary snuck out of the Institute, determined to find someone to help her. She wouldn’t ask Magnus, not after what he’d done. Luke and Raphael would not give her the help she needed. Only someone who did not care about her would help her find her father. Camille.

Clary stood in the empty streets of New York, willing the ruthless vampire to appear and as if by magic, Camille stood before her.

“Young Shadowhunter, I believe you want something from me?” Camille smirked.

Clary snarled in disgust, she had never hated anyone but in that moment she hated Camille. Hated her for keeping the Book of the White from her, the only thing that could wake her mother. Hated her for taking a sick pleasure in Clary losing Jace. Hated her for being so heartless and cold.

“How can I find Valentine?” Clary hissed through gritted teeth.

“Your father?” Camille’s eyes flashed brightly, amused.

“He is not my father, he’s a monster.” Clary shouted.

“Then why do you wish to find him?” Camille asked, disinterestedly.

“Jace has gone to him.” Clary said softly, suddenly feeling deflated of her anger, desperation seeping through her. She had to find Jace, no matter the cost.

“And what could you possibly give me in return for my help?” Camille asked, scornfully.

“What you want most. I will help you become Head of the New York clan, I will get you Magnus Bane. You’ll have it all Camille.” Clary told her.

Clary’s plan sickened her. She’d have to manipulate Magnus to make him once again fall in love with Camille. She’d have to overthrow Raphael, who she thought of as a friend. But she’d do anything to keep Jace safe.

“Young Clarissa, I believe you truly have embraced the darkness.” Camille smirked.

Holding out her hand, Camille shook with Clary, gripping her hand tightly. Clary pulled away but found that she was unable to move from Camille’s tight grasp. 

“You will go to the Seelie Queen, tell her Camille has sent you. She will show you the way to Valentine.” Camille whispered.

Clary nodded, as Camille moved closer, her breath hot against Clary’s skin. “If you betray our agreement then the consequences will be deadly, for all those you hold dear.”

Clary opened her eyes to find Camille gone, all that was left was an empty street.

Meanwhile Alec paced his bedroom, as Lydia watched him from under the silk sheets on the bed.

“Alec, my love, come to bed. This isn’t helping.” Lydia told him, trying to sooth his anger.

“My parabatai is with Valentine, how can I calm down? This is all my fault.” Alec muttered angrily.

“This isn’t your fault, Jace chose to leave.” Lydia said.

“Because of me, because of what I’ve done.” Alec cried.

Lydia looked at him in confusion. “What did you do, Alec?”

Alec sat down on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands. How could he explain it to Lydia? How could he tell her he’d betrayed their marriage vows with both Jace and Magnus? Alec felt sick. How could he have been so selfish?

Suddenly he felt Lydia’s hand on his back, rubbing his back comfortingly. “Talk to me, Alec, I’m your wife.”

Alec stood up abruptly, he couldn’t do this anymore. “I can’t Lydia. This, us, it isn’t right.”

Lydia stared at him in shock. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t want you Lydia, I don’t want any woman.” Alec cried.

Lydia squeezed her eyes shut, wanting to hide from the words Alec had shouted. “If you just tried.” Lydia whispered softly.

Alec’s heart broke at Lydia’s words. Part of him wished he could make this right, that he could be the kind of man who deserved Lydia, who loved Lydia. But he couldn’t change who he was, he couldn’t change that he was gay. 

Cupping Lydia’s face, Alec’s thumb stroked her cheek softly. “You’re so beautiful Lyds and you deserve a man who wants you, who worships you everyday. But that’s not me, I can’t change who I am. This marriage was a mistake.”

“Please don’t leave me, Alec. You and the Institute are all I have.” Lydia pleaded, tears running down her face.

“You will always be welcome at the Institute, and I will always care about you. But this is over.” Alec told her.

Lydia let out a quiet sob as Alec softly kissed her head before grabbing his jacket and leaving. There was someone he needed to see.

Magnus awoke, in the middle of the night, to the sound of heavy banging at his door. 

“Alright, alright, I’m coming.” Magnus mumbled as he rubbed his tired eyes.

To his surprise, Alec stood in the doorway. Alec pushed his way in to the apartment, leaving a shocked Magnus in his wake. Closing the door, they stared at each other.

“How could you do it?” Alec asked quietly.

Magnus looked down at the floor, ashamed. “I was scared and hurt. You kissed him.”

Alec flinched at Magnus’ words, feeling guilt run through him but his anger took over. “It’s no excuse. You helped Jace go to his father. The psychotic, murderous Valentine. You’ve as good as killed him.”

“Valentine wouldn’t kill his son.” Magnus tried to reassure him.

“You don’t know that.” Alec stormed.

Magnus felt guilty and ashamed but Alec’s accusations made him angry. He wasn’t the only one to blame. “How could you kiss him after being with me?”

“It was a mistake.” Alec told him.

“So it just happened once?” Magnus asked.

However as Alec looked down, unable to answer, Magnus knew the truth. “Don’t lie to me. You used me.”

Alec looked up sharply. “I never promised you anything.”

“But you knew how I felt and you used that against me. When you needed help you called me because you knew I’d come running. You knew I’d do anything for you because I love you.” Magnus shouted.

The words burst out of Magnus before he had a chance to stop them. They lay heavy in the air between them. Alec was shocked, unable to find the words to reply. He knew Magnus cared about him but he never knew his feelings were so deep.

“I’ve left her.” Alec whispered, in to quiet expanse between them.

“What?” Magnus asked in confusion.

“I’ve left Lydia, it was wrong to stay with her when all I think about is you.” Alec told him.

“Oh Alexander.” Magnus whispered.

Suddenly they were together, Magnus arms around Alec’s waist, Alec’s hands cupping Magnus’ face. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Magnus whispered, tears falling from his eyes.

Alec brushed away his tears softly, soothing Magnus. “Ssh, it’s okay. We’ll find him, together.”

They stood like that, kissing softly, whispering words of comfort, clinging to each other until the bright light of the sunrise began to show through the window.

As the day began, back at the Institute Isabelle stalked the hallways, searching for Clary and Alec. Clary’s bedroom was empty, she’d checked the kitchen and the training room but there was no sign of either Clary or her brother. 

Popping her head around Alec’s bedroom door, Isabelle saw Lydia packing a suitcase.

“Lydia, what’s going on? Where’s Alec?” Isabelle asked.

Suddenly Lydia broke down in tears, resting her head in his hands. They had never been close but Isabelle hated to see anyone hurting. Wrapping her arms around Lydia, she hugged her comfortingly.

“It’s okay.” Isabelle tried to comfort her.

“He’s gone, Izzy, left me. My marriage is over.” Lydia cried.

“It’ll be okay, Lydia. Maybe this just wasn’t the right marriage for either of you.” Isabelle tried to reason.

“How can I go back to Idris after breaking my marriage runes? I can’t stay here and face everyone everyday, pitying me. I have no where to go.” Lydia cried, her tears falling thick and fast.

“Look at me.” Isabelle said, firmly. “You are an amazing Shadowhunter, you’re strong and smart and beautiful. You cannot let this break you. Go home to Idris with your head held high because you tried. And maybe it didn’t work out but that doesn’t mean you give up. You keep living and you keep trying everyday, until one day you find someone and everything just works.”

Lydia nodded, determinedly, wiping her eyes. “You’re right. I can do this.”

Isabelle nodded back, smiling softly. “I guess you are human after all, Lydia Branwell. I’m just sorry I never got to know you better.”

Lydia smiled slightly back. “And you’re just as crazy as everyone in Idris says you are Isabelle Lightwood.”

Isabelle smiled, rolling her eyes playfully. She knew what everyone thought and she was okay with that.

“But when I get home, I’ll make sure to tell them that Isabelle Lightwood has the biggest, purest heart any Shadowhunter has ever had.” Lydia told her, squeezing her hand.

After leaving Lydia to resume her packing, Isabelle pulled out her phone, quickly typing in Simon’s number. 

“Hello.” Simon said brightly as he picked up.

“Hey Simon.” Isabelle said, trying to ignore the butterflies in her stomach that appeared whenever she heard Simon’s voice.

“What’s up, Iz?” Simon asked.

“Is Clary with you?” Isabelle replied.

“No, why?” Simon told her, his voice growing worried.

“She’s not here, Simon. I’m scared she’s done something stupid.” Isabelle told him.

The silence hung between them, both worrying about where Clary was, both dreading the fact that she may have gone to find Valentine.

“Meet me at Central Park in ten minutes.” Simon said.

“But…” Isabelle began just as Simon hung up.

It was 12pm, how could Simon go outside during the day?

Isabelle arrived at Central Park on time, her eyes scanning the shadows of buildings for any sign of Simon. As she glanced around, she smiled at the sight of children running around, playing happily. She’d missed out on the kind of childhood where you could be free and happy. Instead her childhood had been full of training and learning. She knew if she ever had kids, she’d let them have this, the freedom to run happily through the park.

Suddenly a sight caught her eye, a tall, dark haired teenager chasing some of the children, who ran ahead, arms outstretched and laughing. Their mothers looked on smiling, grateful for someone else to entertain their children, if only for a few moments. Isabelle’s eyes widened as she saw it was Simon. How was he outside in the daylight?

Running over quickly, Isabelle grabbed his arm. “Simon, what are you doing? You’re going to burn.”

Simon grinned widely, throwing his arms out and spinning around. “Look at me, Iz. I can walk in the light.”

Suddenly they were both overcome by happy laughter at the absurdity of it all. Grabbing Isabelle’s hands, they spun around in circles, their heads thrown back, eyes closed against the blazing sun. Simon felt more alive than ever as he felt the sun shining on his skin, the cool breeze rustling his hair. For a moment, they both forgot. Forgot about being a Shadowhunter and a vampire, forgot that their best friend was missing, forgot all of their worries and just enjoyed the peaceful serenity of just being.


	14. Watch Me Walk Away.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What price will Clary have to pay to find Jace when she asks the Seelie Queen for help? And will Raphael be pleased to find out Simon is a Daylighter?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone that's been reading this fic, I love hearing what you think in the comments so please let me know!
> 
> Feel free to follow me on twitter @MisFanficWriter

Simon smiled happily to himself as he walked through the streets of New York, pausing every few blocks to just look up at the sky, allowing himself a moment to appreciate the incredulous situation he found himself in. He was a vampire, but he was also able to walk in the sunlight. It was crazy and Simon couldn’t find a way to explain it but he was happy. Happier than he had been in a long time.

Stopping outside the Hotel Dumont, Simon took a deep breath, inhaling the fresh air before entering the building, always fearful that the next time he walked outside he’d feel the sun burning his skin. As he made his way up the flights of stairs, he found Raphael casually patrolling the hallways.

“Hey.” Simon grinned as he approached Raphael.

Raphael’s face lit up in happiness and Simon smiled to himself, content that he was the only person who could make Raphael act like that. Reaching out, Raphael caught Simon’s hand with his own, entwining their fingers.

“Hey, let’s go to penthouse suite.” Raphael told him.

However as he began to pull him towards the stairs, Simon held back pushing Raphael against the wall.

“What’s wrong with here?” Simon teased, before capturing Raphael’s lips with his own.

Raphael groaned, losing himself momentarily within the kiss as Simon’s tongue flicked out to lick his bottom lip teasingly. However in the back of his mind Raphael still found himself thinking of where they were. They were in the middle of the hotel, anyone could see them.

Raphael spun them around until he had Simon pressed tightly against the wall. “Let’s go upstairs.” Raphael murmured.

Simon fought the urge to roll his eyes. He understood how Raphael felt, he was also just beginning to accept that he wanted to be with a man. But he didn’t want to hide or to feel ashamed of what they had. Sensing Simon’s disappointment, Raphael fought down his paranoia to softly kiss Simon, just hoping that nobody would round the corner and see them.

Simon’s hands reached up to pull Raphael closer, opening his mouth to allow Raphael’s tongue to eagerly explore. Suddenly a loud bang caused Raphael to spring away from Simon, as if he had just touched fire. They stood panting heavily waiting for an arrival that never came.

“Probably just someone slamming a door.” Raphael muttered, reaching out for Simon again.

Simon shrugged him off before stalking up the stairs to the penthouse suite, hurt that Raphael didn’t want to be seen with him. Raphael followed him quickly.

“Simon.” Raphael called. “Wait.”

“What?” Simon asked.

“You know how I feel.” Raphael reassured him.

Simon nodded slowly, avoiding Raphael’s gaze. However he felt his resistance waver as Raphael pulled him in for a hug, his arms wrapped tightly around Simon’s waist.

“Where have you been? I missed you.” Raphael whispered into Simon’s neck.

Simon grinned, hugging Raphael back. “You’re never going to believe this but I’ve been outside.”

Raphael pulled back to look at him, his brow furrowed in confusion. “Outside? In the daylight? That’s ridiculous.”

“This must have happened before, Raphael. The sun doesn’t burn me anymore.” Simon explained, excitedly.

However his excitement faded as Raphael’s arms dropped away from him. He stared at Raphael in confusion. Why wasn’t Raphael happy for him?

“No vampire has ever been able to walk in the light, Simon. It’s not right, it’s not who we are.” Raphael explained angrily.

Simon felt his anger rising. “Well maybe I’m not meant to be part of this clan then.”

“Si.” Raphael pleaded. Why did he feel like he was losing him?

“You don’t even want to be seen with me.” Simon said sadly.

Simon moved towards the door, leaving Raphael behind.

“Simon, wait. The sun, it’ll burn your skin.” Raphael protested, fighting the urge to demand Simon to stay, to protect him at all costs.

“No, it won’t.” Simon told him. “You can watch me from the shadows.”

And with that Simon turned, leaving Raphael to watch him walk away, from the shadows of the curtains, watching as Simon jogged across the street, the sunlight beaming on him.

Meanwhile at Magnus’ apartment, Alec sat on the plush, luxurious sofa placed in the middle of the room. In his hand he held a coffee, which he sipped periodically as he flipped through an old spell book. Casting aside the book, Alec looked up as Magnus entered the room.

“You can’t hide out here forever, Alec.” Magnus smirked.

“You don’t want me here?” Alec asked, half playfully, half seriously.

Magnus sat down next to Alec on the sofa, placing his hand in Alec’s, entwining their fingers together.

“Of course I want you here, but you have to face the Institute at some point.” Magnus told him.

“I vote for never.” Alec protested, leaning forward to capture Magnus’ lips with his own.

Magnus groaned as they shared slow, lingering kisses, like a promise of more to come. However Magnus raised his hand to Alec’s chest, reluctantly pushing him away.

“You have to talk to your parents.” Magnus pleaded.

“Later.” Alec suggested before leaning forward to press a fluttering of kisses to Magnus’ neck.

“You can’t distract me all day, Alexander. Eventually you will have to go home.” Magnus laughed.

Alec ignored him, slowly licking a trail up Magnus’ neck until he reached his jaw. Alec pressed wet kisses along his jawline until his mouth met Magnus’ where he kissed him deeply, cupping Magnus’ face with his hands. Both of the men lost in their own desire fuelled world, hidden away from all of their problems.

Many, many miles away Clary stood before the Seelie Court, facing the Queen herself. Inside, part of her shivered with fear and she wished her friends were with her. However she felt determined to face anything to save Jace, and she couldn’t ask her friends to risk their lives to help her.

“You say Camille sent you?” The Seelie Queen asked.

Clary nodded, unable to trust her voice not to shake.

“Camille and I have known each other a long time. If she wishes to help you, then I believe it must be for a worthwhile cause.” The Seelie Queen spoke, her words carrying across the entire court.

Clary remained silent, sharing a glance with Meliorn. She had helped him to escape a terrible fate with the Silent Brothers, she could only hope that he would help her now. 

“What do you want, Clarissa Morgenstern?” The Seelie Queen asked, amusedly.

“My name is Clary Fray.” Clary stated angrily.

The Seelie Queen circled Clary, reaching out to stroke her cheek. “Perhaps a Morgenstern, or even a Fairchild. But you, Clarissa, are not a Fray.”

Clary let out a deep breath. She didn’t know who she was anymore. Maybe she was more like her father than she realised. She’d turned her back on her friends, sold their happiness to Camille to save the boy she loved. The boy she could never be with.

“Tell me where Valentine is.” Clary demanded.

“You forget your manners, Clarissa. Remember who you are talking to.” The Seelie Queen demanded.

“Please, could you possibly help me find Valentine?” Clary said through gritted teeth. 

“There must always be a price, Clarissa.” The Seelie Queen stated.

Clary nodded, willing to pay anything to save Jace.

“When you find Jace and bring him home, you will return here and take your place within our court. An assistant to me. This is a wonderful opportunity for you, Clarissa.” The Seelie Queen said, laying out her terms.

“You want me to return to be your slave?” Clary asked disbelievingly.

“An assistant, a slave, they are all the same to me. Do we have an agreement?” The Seelie Queen said.

Clary looked to Meliorn, however he stared resolutely ahead, ignoring her gaze.

Without any other options Clary nodded her head reluctantly. She would pay for Jace’s freedom with her own.

Back at the Institute, Isabelle turned in surprise as Simon entered the Sanctuary, slamming the door behind him.

“What is it with vampires thinking we all have to fly around in the dark like bats, drinking blood from innocent people?” Simon fumed.

Isabelle stared at him in confusion. “Isn’t that kind of what vampires do?”

“No, Izzy. I mean look at me, I walked here. During the day.” Simon said stating the obvious.

“I take it telling Raphael didn’t go well.” Isabelle realised.

“I think I’m now homeless.” Simon told her, silently adding ‘and boyfriendless’.

Isabelle reached out, wrapping her arms around Simon, hugging him comfortingly. “You always have a place here. Clary would kill me if she found out I left you sleeping on the streets of New York.”

“So you’re not doing this because you actually care?” Simon teased.

“Why would I care about a newbie vampire? I’ve been fighting with your little friends since I learnt to walk.” Isabelle teased.

They laughed together, until eventually the laughter stopped, leaving them just staring at the other, the tension rising between them. Simon reached up to gently brush Isabelle’s long dark hair back from her face.

“Thank you.” Simon said softly.

“For what?” Isabelle asked quietly, butterflies fluttering wildly in her stomach.

“For being there for me throughout all of this. Clary has had so much going on and Raphael doesn’t understand. But you’ve been there for me and I appreciate it.” Simon told her.

“Anytime.” Isabelle smiled.

Suddenly the moment was interrupted as someone entered the Sanctuary. Isabelle looked up expecting to see her brother so she was surprised to find herself facing Meliorn.

“Isabelle, my love, your friend is in much strife.” Meliorn told her, reaching out to grip her hands.

“Clary?” Simon asked worriedly, trying to ignore the stab of jealousy at the sight of Meliorn touching Isabelle.

“She has been to see the Seelie Queen.” Meliorn explained.

“Please tell me she’s okay?” Isabelle panicked.

“She lives but at a cost that is much too high.” Meliorn said.

“Tell me.” Isabelle demanded.

“She has given her freedom to save Jace. At this moment, she is travelling to find Valentine, to face him alone. Even if she succeeds and brings Jace back, she has agreed to become part of the Seelie Court forever.” Meliorn told them hurriedly.

Isabelle and Simon gasped. How could Clary agree to this?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will Clary find Valentine and Jace?
> 
> Or will Simon and Isabelle be able to stop her?
> 
> And can Raphael ever accept who he is?
> 
> Find out only in the next chapter of Living In The Shadows.


End file.
